Published July 30, 2011
They walked side by side through the thick wooded trees of the great forest.
She held the baby boy close to her as she looked down and smiled at him.
“Taliesin, do you think this is the right decision?” she asked turning her head up at her brother.
“Little sister Talia, if you believe this is the best for your little boy then I support you all the way.”
“Its just he hasn’t shown any ability at all, shouldn’t he have shown at least a little?” she said looking back down at her son.
“The most beautiful rose blooms later then the rest, perhaps he is just a late bloomer and in the end he might be the most powerful there is. Time will only tell.”
They came out of the forest and headed for a house. Once there, Talia knocked firmly on the door. Moments later the door is answered by a young man and woman.
“Would you like to come in and sit?” the couple said.
“No, but thank you, we can not stay long.” Spoke Talia
“Master, is this the child you spoke of?” they both asked as they bowed to her.
“Please no need for that. Yes this is he; his name is Xarisin it means Son of the Wind.” She told them looking at her son with a smile.
Tears began to flow down her soft cheeks.
She never though that she would ever give her young child away.
Taliesin put his arm on her shoulder to give her the sign that it was time.
Talia then slowly put the small child named Xarisin into the young woman’s arms.
“Thank you.” Talia said drying her tears away.
“No, Thank you for this greatest gift, considering we could not have one of our own.” The man said.
“You both were my best students, if he doesn’t show any sign of ability please keep it from him. It is best that he stays away from the world we live in.” Talia said.
“We understand Master.” The couple said.
They turned away and walked of, Taliesin put his arm around her and without looking back they both vanished.
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140,534 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
thank yall so much this will help out a lot and yes the characters are mysterious
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I liked it. I am curious about what world he should stay away from, I will be reading on.
You need a little of discription. Maybe you inteneded to keep the people a mystery,which I would do it adds suspison, but you could put a little more discription of the emotions, forest and the house. I am very curious though hope you continue on with this story!
Ok... I liked it, and how the dialouge is, but maybe to double the length you could add more details.
Like where you put "They walked side by side through the thick wooded trees of the great forest. " It just ends. You could put in more to make it a longer paragraph, like who are 'they', is it dark or light outside, what the path they traveled was like, etc.
And maybe you could describe characters, what their appearance is like. Like where you put "she asked turning her head up at her brother. " It could be "she asked, turning her head to look up at her brother with her *insert description of her eyes*.
"They came out of the forest and headed for a house." What was the house like? Was it a small cabin, with smoke curling up out of the chimeny? Or maybe it was a stone building, with a small garden beside it. And where was the house? In the midst of a small village, or on the edge of the forest, away from civilization?
"“Please no need for that. Yes this is he; his name is Xarisin it means Son of the Wind.” She told them looking at her son with a smile."
It needs to be "Please, there is no need for that. Yes this is he; his name is Xarisin. It means Son of the Wind." She told them, looking at her son with a smile." And maybe you could put. "She told them as she gazed at her infant son with an affectionate smile.", just add more detail and descriptions of the emotions.
"They turned away and walked of, Taliesin put his arm around her and without looking back they both vanished."
"They turned away and walked off. Taliesin put his arm around her and without looking back, they both vanished."
I really liked it, just try putting more detail and descriptions in it.
~MEG
i tried to put paragraphs but it wouldn't let me... Sorry!
Also i need help lengthening this to at least double please help me out with ideas thank you!