MoonStrike: Chapter 1, 2/3

by XDarkSpiralX
  • December 2, 2009
  • Novel / Chapter
  • Fantasy

Sorry that it's boring, I'll rewrite it. Wait for it.

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
XDarkSpiralX
Comment
XDarkSpiralX commented · Thu Dec 03, 2009 5:51 pm

Thanks for the opinion, I'll try to make it less boring. But don't worry, there is a big point found in the face from her dream.

User avatar
wizkid515
Review
wizkid515 wrote a review · Thu Dec 03, 2009 6:36 am

hi. I enjoyed this but, (not to sound to mean), i didn't really get the point. All that happened was the fact that she kept eating and eating and that she had a strange dream.
I saw a few things that need editing:

I was on the rode again

Road

she had finally made across the state border into Illinois. It wouldn't take long to get to Evansville- it was just on the edge of Indiana.

here you switched from 1st to 2nd person

all in all it was an okay story. Good work keep it up. :D :D



So, please, oh please, we beg, we pray, go throw your TV set away, and in its place you can install a lovely bookcase on the wall.
— Roald Dahl