I liked this poem a lot. There was one line that didn't fit, though, and that was "one chance is all I asked for". For some reason the otherwise good flow of this piece was broken there.
In a collision of lies you stand,
A smile of peace upon your face,
Your eyes a picture of innocence,
Your skin purer than any waters.
One more step and with you I stand,
My body in your arms the safety net wrapped around me,
One more step and there it crumbles,
Through my fingers it escapes.
So tired of playing this game,
One battle after another lost,
Named the fool by the dictators,
One chance is all I asked for.
Why is it always more than words?
Why can't these dreams be true?
Always believing in empty truth,
The light in my skies fading.
No one here but me and you,
Your radiant smile lighting the stars,
Love has become a cliché,
A funeral for the content.
I'll write forever but never bring this reality to life.
----------------------------------------------------
Go ahead a tear it apart - sorry I over reacted the other day, bad day.
I liked this poem a lot. There was one line that didn't fit, though, and that was "one chance is all I asked for". For some reason the otherwise good flow of this piece was broken there.
yay thank you all 
you really cheered me up after my poo day 
hehe. Sam you are very cool I like this::
*Great flow. Each line kinda melts into the next, kind of like lasagna. It's cool, I have no idea how you did that. It's very creative.
Fast-paced, to the point, and right on target. You certainly got my attention, No flaws, no mistakes. I loved it.
I wasn't even here the other day so I don't have anything against you... 
I don't really think your poem needs tearing apart. Here's what I found and liked about it:
*Great analogies. About the dictator and battles and stuff, that was cool.
*NO RHYMES! yayyy...I don't really care for rhyming poems. Both doing it and reading it.
*Great flow. Each line kinda melts into the next, kind of like lasagna. It's cool, I have no idea how you did that. It's very creative.
*Cool feeling. You, as the reader, kinda know it's supposed to be sort of sad and depressing, so you accept that, but inside you feel very calm reading this poem. That's really rare when the reader feels like that, and it sounds bad but really it isn't. That's awesome.
Now I know I'm not making any sense so I'll stop...great poem, Wulie, if you've got any more I'd love to read them.
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