My body tingles with anticipation. I know what will happen, you could call it a gift, clairvoyance even. To me, it's just a matter of taking in your surroundings. There are maybe fifteen people in the local jewelry store, some picking out engagement rings, others googling over precious birthstones, and me, taking interest in a rather classy watch. As I fancy the watch, a middle aged woman comes up to the counter beside me. Her attire consists of a more, professional outlook you could say, which fits her crisp attitude. Taking out a higher standard wedding ring, she sighed heavily. A divorcee, I assumed, taking in the purple tinged bags under her eyes. Countless numbers of sleepless nights showed in her posture and physical appearance. The ring was being returned in exchange for a beautiful crystal pendant. It glimmered so fiercely I had to look away. The woman thanked the clerk and headed towards the exit. On the way out, the heels that her feet rested on caught on the store rug, sending the pendant and the woman into the air. I could have seen from a mile away that it would have happened. So, as quickly as I could, I leaped, and caught the pendant just before it hit the concrete flooring. The woman thanked me a million times over. I handed her the pendant and she continued on her way. If that pendant would have hit the ground, there was no doubt it would shatter. What would that have done to the woman? Emotionally and mentally? It would have shattered her. And people don't deserve to be broken into a million crystal shards.
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140,179 Literary Works • 673,037 Reviews
I loved it. Very beautifully written, and amazing attention to detail. Keep it up and continue writing!
This short has, initially, a healthy disregard for purpose; it gradually works up to the final point, which works like a charm, in my opinion. This writer obviously understands the concept of effective details. I highly suggest this piece; it was a refreshing read. If you don't like descriptions such as the ones presented, go elsewhere. But you will be missing out on a beautifully written story.
P.S I want to see more of your work!
Wow, wow. First of all, your description and expressive way of writing is impressive. I loved this paragraph! The beginning is just fit and you never lose attention throughout reading. There's just a teeny bit shaky grammar involved:
''Her attire consists of a more, professional outlook you could say, which fits her crisp attitude. She spoke with the clerk and pulled out.........''
See? You were saying, 'her attire consists' and then suddenly shifted to ''she SPOKE to.'' It doesn't make sense, right?
I pointed this out only to help you. Other than this, I can't really find any flaw with the content. And oh, the ENDING! I LOVE IT!
Keep it up! You do have the makings of a good writer.
Thank you I will take that into consideration and edit it, and please comment on you feel about the edit afterwards! There will be more work in the future for sure!
Hi, WrittenByTyler!
This is such a heart warming story. I can imagine the narrator to be quite young, and for a lot of people the youth are a massive problem.
Also, I love the way that you described the woman, so the reasons for handing the ring in were real, not just someone handing in a wedding ring for the sake oft it -which the whole story is about. This almost has a Sherlock Holmes feeling about it as well, how he can tell the whole story of a person just by looking at them.
I would usually write a bit on grammar mistakes that I've picked up; but there aren't any.
I really don't know what else to say apart from keep writing, and I can't wait to see more from you!
RandomColumns
Thank you so much! I really enjoyed reading your comment! I want to be an author when I'm older, so it's almost definite that I will continue writing.