Goodbye

For me what makes a great poem is not whether it scans well, has rhymes or conforms to the rules of poetry, but whether the writer's heart was aflame when they wrote it. Does the poem move the writer when she rereads it? Poetry is about the stirring of the heart and soul - only you know how much these words meant to you.

Poetry is not, or shouldn't be, a dry technical exercise. It's about love and loss and things that make us deeply human. I have just remembered the film 'Dead Poets society'. The film deals with exactly this issue.

My 8 year old says this about your poem (and she has posted two of her own storys under my name):-

I'm not sure whether it was a poem or not, though I'm sure it is. I think it's a nice, touching piece of work. It's one of the best pieces of work you've written so far - for me.

Hey. I thought this poem was, nice. It was good, but it could have been better. I did enjoy it when I read it, but I agree with flower, that you should try be a bit more descriptive. It seemed that it was too simple. Simple is sometimes good, but I think it would have been a lot better if you had gone a bit more in depth. Not about what you are trying to say, but just with how you describe what you are saying, so it draws in the reader. But what you have written is still good.

If what I said makes no sense, want me to expand on what I said, or just review something else, feel free to PM me.

Hi, I'm RepublicOfCoter (people just call me ROC) and I'll be your reviewer for this piece.

The very first thing I'd like to say is that I simply LOVED it! I felt I had a true understanding and connection with what you were saying in this poem and you don't stray to far from the truth. My favourite part was:

It is always hard
To say goodbye
Goodbye is never
Good enough when
You want to say
Much more.

It is always hard
To say goodbye
Goodbye is never
Good enough when
You want to say
Much more.

Ok, Flower here to review for you. I am going to be very honest with you, the poem did not flow very well at all. Also it had absolutely no description.
Some things that I wanted from this poem that I didnt get were:
I wanted to know why they were saying goodbye?
What makes it so sad?
Why can't the narrator breathe without the person they are saying goodbye to?

I also feel that the words you used in this poem are very common. Of course you can have tears, but what about the glimmering sparkle in the corner of your eye. The forbidden thing that makes leaving so much more agonizing.

What grips the two people together?

Also I wanted to know why you would want to put on a fake smile? Is it for the better of one of the people? Without these details you have left us with this unknown story, and we have learned nothing.

I think this poem has great potential, and I think you can make this into something beautiful, it just needs some work first.

I hope I helped and didn't sound harsh.

-Flower-