may it be

Wauw! This was so beautiful! Reminded me of a lullaby, so much harmony and it flooted perfectly. I loved it so much. Great job.

hello there! in the spirit of Review Day, I represent the Firebolts!

The thing I love most about this writing is definitely your way with words. Which is one of the most important things, if you ask me, about a writer.
It's just beautiful. That was the best word I could come up with on the spot, but it's so much more than that. Comforting.
You took me to a place and brought back memories.

I'm curious as to what brought on the formatting (it's beautifully laid out), specifically the Roman numerals. That could possibly throw off the audience. I'm not sure if it added anything for me. What was your motive behind that? Is it symbolic? Tie into something we as readers could potentially figure out if we read this a few more times, or something solely the poet would know?

Great job. Really enjoyed this.

yours,
~iron.n
I revise not as a judge, but as a fellow writer eligible for judgment on the same level.

Hey AriaAdams, it's been a while.
Okay, so I'm not exactly sure what the numbers are supposed to mean. It could be that my knowledge of poetry is rather lacking in some areas, or it could be I'm just not thinking of it right now. I dunno. At first I thought that you where numbering stanzas to add emphasis to the separation. But after reading it the "stanzas" don't seem to have very much to do with each other, so maybe that could mean their all little poems compiled together. I don't know, it's probably just my brain doesn't want to work right now (I had an incredibly hard time spelling emphasis lol).
Anyway, I will take the poem one section at a time and then look at how it fits together as a whole.

I.
I love the first line. It is a nice way of describing how even a small sound can be harsh when everything else is quiet.
I don't really get the second line. What do lies have to do with the moon? Is it supposed to be some sort of symbolism that I'm not getting? I also find the word "snoozing" to be out of place. Your piece has a very nice tone, it seems old a mystical. Snoozing doesn't sound very old or mystical. You could probably come up with a better word.
I'm not sure if I like the line break between lines three and four. Having it there creates a very short feeling. It's more of a "waaaaait a second" then the usual pause you find in poetry. There is nothing wrong with this really, I just feel that a gentler pause would be better. That can easily be changed by putting the line break at the comma. If you want, that is. It is fine how it is, I just think it would be better if it was smoother.
I feel like by putting "travel" on its own line you're trying to make a slow feeling and it's coming out too forced. Changing the line break on three-four will probably fix this too (it'll create a smoother feel before hand and make a change to a slower tempo easier). If you don't want to change the line break then just sticking "travels" on the same line as "a child" will also fix the forced-slowness. Try reading these as naturally as possible, pausing when it feels right, then compare them to each other and what you have written.

Over lands and over worlds,
in a carriage made of dreams,
a child
travels.

Over lands and over worlds, in a carriage
made of dreams,
a child travels.



II.
I <3 dragons. I automatically want to say this part is amazing just because it's about a dragon. But I do have some comments on it so I will temporarily ignore my love for dragons so that I can tell you those things.
First of all I find it hard to read the first line with any sort of rhythm or anything. It just doesn't sound like a poem. I am fairly certain this is caused by the length, but it is also partially due to something else too and I just don't know what. So you could try adding a line break, or you could try changing the wording.
I also am not entirely sure how to interpret it. It could be taken literally as in the dragon took his lover's scales and made a sword out of them. Or it could be a metaphor meaning the dragon has done something to make his lover's body a weapon (for example, he made a third party jealous). Personally, I would like this to be more clear. But I know that is a personal opinion (some people really like vagueness in poetry).
The second line is very nice. It shows that he really does love this "lover" mentioned before hand, but in a vague way that isn't cliche.


III.
The first thing that really stands out to me is that you said "the carousel" instead of "a carousel" implying some sort of importance but then that's the only time it's mentioned.
I really like the image portrayed in the first half of this stanza. It is beautiful in a rather dark way.
The number of times that "and" shows up in the second and third lines really makes it stick out which affects the flow. I'm not going to say it's a bad thing, but it is definitely something you want to look over and make sure that that's how you want it.
I feel that having the single word on a line by itself (tears) is creating a very forced slowness. I don't know if this has as easy of a fix as it did in I. It could potentially be caused by the fact that sometimes when a word is repeated it creates a fast feel to the writing. So possibly changing the "and" thing will help make the slow down feel more natural.
Again, I love the imagery in the second half. I feel that the second half doesn't really connect very well to the first half. They are both very beautiful, so I don't think you should really try too hard to connect them more (you would probably end up taking away from that beauty if you messed with it too much, as is the case with most writing). I really like this part. The only comment I have is at the end the "that is" sticks out a lot to me. I don't know if maybe it's because I'm so used to conjunctions that hearing it written out seems odd to me.


IV.
This is really short. It sounds beautiful. But it feels rather dry. There is so little to it that you can't really do anything with it other then imagen what it looks like.


V.
At first I felt like it should be either "a promise" or "promises" in the first line but after thinking about it a think your wording might have been intentional and I kind of like it how it is.
The second line has the same issue as line 1 in II. It just doesn't want to read like a poem.
I really love the formatting for the rest of it. I think the timing is perfect. It is beautiful.


VI.
Again, the word on a line by itself feels like you forced it to be slow. Just make the rest slow and then it'll be fine. I would recommend adding a line break in the first line either after the comma or after "too far".
I like the overall feel to this last section. It leaves the reader with a somber feel. It was a good note to end on.



Overall I think it was a lovely poem. I enjoyed reading it and it had a very pleasant yet sad feel to it.
I do wonder about the title. It fits, but I feel like you could come up with something better. Maybe it's just me.

I think you did an excellent job with this piece. Most of the things I pointed out are really smaller things that I probably wouldn't have pointed out to a lot of people but I know you're a good writer and are probably looking for things more along the lines of this instead of the more technical things like spelling and grammar.


I hope that this was helpful. Keep writing!

It is a bit messy in it's format you could probably easily fix that, just make it neat.
I kind of made my own interpretation, but had trouble sticking to it since I am given lines that make me a little confused or just don't make poetic sense.

" a dragon forges a sword of its lover's scales
and admires its beauty."
That confused me.

Either way it needs work. My interpretation was about a child losing innocence made by the
carousel line.