E - Everyone

The dream of a song...

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With the passing time, the seasons change,

Summer to winter, and winter to spring.

Nothing changes in me, and I feel so strange,

Still waiting for you, hear the song I sing.

The song of a thousand melodies blended with my heartbeat,

Which I pray oh prey! You hear someday.

But the instruments lay idle, as they want to meet

You, and I promise them you’ll come one day.

Does not the soft tune of sorrow makes your eyes wet?

I wonder as I sing alone in the rain.

The drops take me back to time I met,

You who took her place in my heart’s small fane.

The singer within me never stops for a while,

In the hope that you’ll soon sing along.

Fighting with tears I still try to smile,

Because you’re my only world and this is my song.

Comments & reviews · 6
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the poem is beautiful. i really love your lyrical style and your expression of love. it leaves me very small portion to nitpick
however it came to my notice that you could have been a little more creative about the title, your idea of a song is perfect but the word dream doesn't really fir in.
the use of words is beautiful and precise, i hardly have any other ground to complain of. do keep writing and let me know when you do as i love love to review them.
nice work
Rituparna

Thanks a lot RituparnaBhowmik! :) I really appreciate your review. I made the title thinking about the dream my song dreams of, that one day it will not be singing the music of sorrow, alone and to itself. One day it will sing the song of love with her, for whom it waits through the seasons. :) Maybe I should think of better titles from next time. Thanks again :)

This has great potential and I don't have much to say now about nit-picky things. My brain is fried from reviewing today!

However, general suggestions: to make this more pleasing to the eye, try mixing short and longer sentences, and breaking this into little stanzas.
Also, just to look professional, capitalize your title A Dream of a Song...
If you want. xD I think it looks better.

Yeah I seriously don't have much to say I'm beat.
Sorry!

Good job

~iron.n

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mlin Comment

I really like it, but would you consider making it longer.

I thought about it, but then I chose not to. I don't know why but I think maybe this was not meant to be a long one. I'll take care when I write a similar poem next time. Thanks :)

Heya, Chrissy here for a review!

Well, I'm not much good at reviewing poetry, but I will try and do my best.

Still waiting for you, hear the song I sing.


Do you mean to hear the song I sing? Otherwise it doesn't make much sense.

Which I pray oh prey!


Ahem, I believe you might have meant "pray". And I think there needs to be a coma between pray and oh. :D

and I promise them


It should be "I promised."

Because you’re my only world and this is my song.


I'd suggest taking out the only. That is only a suggestion, though. It isn't completely necessary, but I think it would flow better for that line if you did. I love the sentence! :D It's beautiful.

Well, that's all I could find to nitpicks, and this piece really is beautiful, sooo....

KEEP WRITING!

Thanks a lot Pickledhrissy!! Actually 'Still waiting for you' here means that I'm still waiting for you and after that comma it starts to say a new thing - Hear the song that I sing for you. Not grammatically correct I guess :-/
And it should be I promise them only I guess because here I want to say that they still lay idle and I promise this each day to them.
The rest of your nitpicks were great! I'll make sure to edit this and not make such mistakes next time. Thanks again :)

You're welcome! Sorry about the mess up.

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Tuesday
Review
Tuesday wrote a review · Sun Mar 08, 2015 2:51 pm

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I like to begin by saying how there is some alliteration throughout this poem. Example: soft tune of sorrow is an perfect example of alliteration.

Since some poems do have some things that need improving (like most poems do), I just point out some things that need to be improved (that's why I'm reviewing):

Does not the soft tune of sorrow makes your eyes wet Is a little bit confusing to me since the words are just not giving a great "explanation" of what this might be.

The singer within me never stops for a while maybe change -for a while to -long time (just a thought)

Oh prey! Is the exclamation mark suppose to be there? I wasn't sure.

Besides all the stuff i said above, there are some wonderful things about this poem:

Because you're my only world and this is my song This stanza made me feel so joyest since you are wanting him to sing with you but when he doesn't you still sing without him.

The song of a thousand melodies blended with my heartbeat Like i said, above this line make me feel happy and knowing that you love your love as much as he doesn't know you love him.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Thanks a lot CapitalMonday! :) I appreciate your remarks, and I promise to improve.

You are most welcome! :)

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NoirChocolat
Review

Hello WritingWarrior!

Should I say that this piece was somewhat giving me 'feels'? It gives a depressing yet heartwarming feeling while I read.

"The song of a thousand melodies blended with my heartbeat..."
I was swept away by the my own opinionated meaning for this.

"Because you’re my only world and this is my song."
I don't know why but this has the "GREATEST" impact for me. I say, it was a nice way of ending the poem. It left me an impression. And a good one at that. :)

Keep up the nice work!

+NoirChocolat

Thanks! I'm so glad you liked my work :)

Hey, @NoirChocolate? At the top of the work in the corner, there is a star. Click on it to like the work. ;)



It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief