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E - Everyone

Following The Light-Chapter Two-

by WritingIsFun


Chapter 2

“Florence!” There it was again, Ms. Pringle calling me in that angry voice of her’s.

“Yes ma’am?” I swing my legs out of bed and hurry to get dressed. Ms. Pringle wasn’t in a happy mood when she saw me, but when Jep jumped up and down on the coach farting, she laughed and said you-know-what. I can’t even say it, that's how weird it is.

“Florence! Why don’t you talk to me? Take Jep outside and make sure he goes to the bathroom before he leaves the place.”

“Yes ma’am.” I grab Jep’s hand and place a gummy in his mouth. “Come on, Jep.” He frowned and frantically tried to get away.

“Mamaaaaa!” He pushed and pulled trying his best to get out of my arms. He screamed right in my ear, “put Dep down!” I put him down and he ran for Ms. Pringle. She smiled, picked him up, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

“Now isn’t that my good boy.” She snuggled her lips into his face and kissed him like crazy. Jep giggled and laughed. He kicked, but finally, he smiled. Ms. Pringle knew just how to make him happy, that was to do what she just did. “Florence dear, are you not moving along!? Go and get our bags, we are leaving any time now!” I nodded and ran up the small stairs that lead to our second floor. I smiled, finally being away from that mean old Ms. Pringle.

“Florence! Hurry up, the driver is here!” I grabbed the three bags in my hands, and last of all, my carpetbag. I ran down the stairs and saw an unhappy Ms. Pringle, hands on hips, frowning. I hand her a bag and she takes it. “Get into the carriage!” I ran out the door, but stopped, died in my tracks, when I saw who was driving the carriage. It was none other than the man that was going to marry Ms. Pringle, or so I thought. That man was just right for Ms. Pringle, angry all the time, and only happy when he saw Ms. Pringle.

Ms. Pringle smiled at him and said, “why darling, you are so handsome today.” He takes her hand and leads her to the carriage. He helped her up, and then moved up behind her. I smirk at the thought of Ms. Pringle and that man, Christopher Dupry, getting married. “Christopher darling, don’t you think Florence would make a fine kitchen helper?” He looks at me, my skinny arms, and my flaming red-yellow hair.

“Bianca, how could you think of such nonsense!? Florence is just skin and bones!” He smirked and looked back at me. I looked out the window trying to act as if I hadn't heard. I grabbed hold of my arms trying to keep warm. The frosty cold air coming in from the carriage made me shiver. “Florence? Have you ever washed a dish without help?” I looked at him now, trying to make out if he was joking or just being the same old Christipher Dupry.

“Yes Sir.” I grabbed my bag and started to look through it as if I didn’t care what they did to me.

“Bianca, she isn’t one of the day dreamers, is she?” He looked at Ms. Pringle with no concern for me at all.

“Christopher darling, she is the worst of them all, all she ever does is day dream! And her answer to your question was wrong! I always have to get her to redo a dish! She can’t be trained is all that I can say.” I gasped at this ramark. I was the most well trained girl in the city. I frowned moving my fingers through my bag, till I found what I was looking for. I wrapped my hand around the necklace. I smiled for the first time in that whole trip.

+++

“Florence! Wake up!” I bolted up right and saw Ms. Pringle waiting at the carriage door. “Get out and grab our bags!” I frantically tried to get the bags as fast as I could, Christopher didn’t come help as a man like him should. He stood at the dock, Ms. Pringles hand in his. Out of his pocket he pulled a box shaped like a heart, he handed it to Ms. Pringle who smiled. She opened it and looked shocked. It was a wedding ring. She slipped it on her finger and turned to find me standing there with all the luggage ready to go. She frowned, turned to Christopher and gave him a kiss, on the lips, right in front of me. I almost gagged, but held it back. Ms. Pringle was now looking at me. “Florence, meet your new Father.”

Christopher thinking that it was the right time to make them Father and Daughter, he leaned down and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I almost barfed that time, but no, I held it in. I grabbed the rail for support, and nearly fainted, when a bell so loud chimed in the distance. Ms. Pringle smiled and started to walk to the ship.

We got on and the captain introduced himself. “Good day ma’am, I hope you enjoy the voyage.”

“Yes, thank you. I am sure we can make due with what you have.” She smiled, turned to Jep, and picked him up. “Jep darling, you go with Florence and enjoy exploring the ship. What room are we in, Captain?” She turned to him and pushed Jep at me. He landed square on my hip. I almost tumbled over, but kept my balance.

“You are in room 233, ma’am. I hope you won’t mind the staterooms that we have here.” She nodded and headed to the ladder, or stairs, just on a ship they were called ladders.

“Jep let's go and see where the bathroom is, I need to go badly.” He nodded and followed me down the long hall.

We got to the bathroom not long after we had started the search. I smiled and walked in. I walked into a stall and went pee. When I came out, two older girls were coowing and pinching Jep’s cheeks. He was giggling, but didn’t seem too happy about it all. “Hey! Stop teasing my brother!” They looked up to see a girl, who was tall for her age, standing in front of them. My fists were clenched ready to punch. They looked at me and laughed.

“Hi, my name’s Jan, and we weren’t hurting your brother, we were just playing with him.”

“Yeah, I’m Florence by the way!” The other girl said. I gasped and started to laugh.

“That’s my name too!” Florence gasped and then said,

“You call me Flora, alright? Florence is a popular name. Well, that’s what my Papa says. He says that Flora is a beautiful name. I am so happy that someone I know has the name Florence, I thought that I would never meet someone with the same name as me. I’m eleven by the way, how old are you?”

“I… well… I’m eight.” The girls looked at me in awe.

“You aren’t only eight, are you? That’s too little to be my friend!” Jan shouted, she ran out of the bathroom shaking her head.

“Oh Florence, you don’t have to be sad about how old you are. No matter how old you are, I would always be your friend. Don’t listen to Jan, she can be like that sometimes.” Flora smiled and gave me and Jep a big, big hug.


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19 Reviews


Points: 278
Reviews: 19

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Sun Apr 26, 2020 4:57 pm
Vita wrote a review...



Another interesting chapter!
Florence is right, that Christopher guy is definitely perfect for Ms. Pringle. They're both equally horrible!
One thing that I would elaborate more on is her relationship with her brother. In the first chapter, she seems to dislike him, complaining about how he farts all the time and is Mr. Pringle's favorite. She almost seems to resent him. In this chapter, she's willing to punch people to protect him. It's really not that I think this is inaccurate. In fact, a lot of siblings have relationships like this. I know me and my little brother do. It's sort of a "You can't be mean to my little brother! Only I get to be mean to my little brother!" situation. I think it would have been great to devote a bit more time to her mixed feelings about her brother, to explain why even if she doesn't always like him, she's still obligated to protect him. As it is, it feels more like her relationship with him just reversed completely with no explanation. I got what was going on because I have an annoying but lovable sibling of my own, but people without younger siblings might not.
I'm intrigued by the new characters at the end there. Florence can certainly use a friend right now, thats for sure! I would have liked a bit more description of them, and maybe consider changing the dialogue a bit at the end.
“Oh Florence, you don’t have to be sad about how old you are. No matter how old you are, I would always be your friend. Don’t listen to Jan, she can be like that sometimes.” Flora smiled and gave me and Jep a big, big hug"
This doesn't quite seem like something a child would say. (I know they're older but I'm assuming there still just 9 or 10.) It also doesn't seem like something you'd say to someone you'd just met. Maybe instead of saying she'd alway's be her friend, she'd say she still wants to play with her, and instead of hugging her would grab her by the hand and lead her out of the bathroom to go have some fun. Then you can build there relationship more slowly, until there at the hugging/ BFFs stage. This will be more realistic, and it will give you opportunities for character development as they get to know one another.
Overall, this is a great chapter. You continued to build sympathy for Florence by showing her being a protective big sister and continuing to reveal her hardships at the hands of her step parents.
I look forward to learning what happens next!




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68 Reviews


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Sun Apr 05, 2020 3:28 pm
Anamel wrote a review...



I thought it was pretty humorous she's called Mrs. Pringle throughout the entire story and that it's her real last name. Also instead of 'her's' just put hers instead, it doesn't need the apostrophe. I really like the mix of names in your story, especially Jep. It's very fitting for an energetic little kid.

“Mamaaaaa!” He pushed and pulled trying his best to get out of my arms. He screamed right in my ear, “put Dep down!” I put him down and he ran for Ms. Pringle. She smiled, picked him up, and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

At this point, I thought the main character was a nanny/babysitter to him. Especially since the main character continued to refer to her as Mrs. rather than mother or whatever else. Also you made a little typo, make sure to replace Dep with Jep.

“Florence dear, are you not moving along!? Go and get our bags, we are leaving any time now!” I nodded and ran up the small stairs that lead to our second floor. I smiled, finally being away from that mean old Ms. Pringle.
Throughout the story it seems as though she's just some service maid, even when it appears as though she's a part of the family near the end of this chapter. It gives it kind of a Cinderella vibe. It seems like this family doesn't even really love her, they're just using her as a way to not have Jep latched on Mrs. Pringle all the time and her new husband. Mrs. Pringle seems like the type to care about her own romance and herself than anything else including her own children.

“Yes Sir.” I grabbed my bag and started to look through it as if I didn’t care what they did to me.

“Bianca, she isn’t one of the day dreamers, is she?” He looked at Ms. Pringle with no concern for me at all.

Despite this just being one part of dialogue, I feel like I already know a lot about her personality. Florence probably doesn't feel that cared for, and anytime she's faced with criticism or hurtful remarks she shuts down and pretends as though it doesn't affect her. She probably also uses daydreaming as an escape from her daily life and she probably has some big dream or goal now or later on in the story.

"I wrapped my hand around the necklace. I smiled for the first time in that whole trip."
This makes me think that she got adopted or taken in by this family and this necklace is a part of a memory from Florence's past or one of her relatives. I haven't read the first chapter though so I wouldn't know.

"He stood at the dock, Ms. Pringles hand in his."
*He stood at the dock with Mrs. Pringle's hand in his.

“Florence, meet your new Father.”
Father doesn't need to be capitalized.

“You aren’t only eight, are you? That’s too little to be my friend!” Jan shouted, she ran out of the bathroom shaking her head.
This made me pretty amazed. I figured she was 13 or so, not eight. She seems too smart.

It would be cool if Florence's and Flora's destinies are intertwined somehow later in the story or they discover something they both share. Overall I genuinely liked reading it.





Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling