Published March 13, 2011
This is a short poems, reflecting on the demons of my past. No, I do not mean that this is really what I do, I'm just putting it into poetic format. 
A thorn of a rose pierces my skin.
I find that love is all but a sin.
What madman told me to hate?
I need to rethink before its too late.
I’ve crushed every heart that I’ll ever hold
Filled up my soul with disgrace and cold.
My words are sharp; used to kill.
Pain and fury are my greatest thrill.
My veins are filled with vicious blood.
The kind that leaves yours in the mud.
I’ve tried to change; Worthless attempts.
I soon found out that the devil tempts.
What kind of monster have I become.
I do believe; my dark deed is done.
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139,427 Literary Works • 672,561 Reviews
Hey there! This is an old poem, but has less than two reviews, so here I am
I really love this poem! The rhymes are simple but steady, and they added an enjoyable rhythm to the piece. You put a lot of emotion in a short amount of space, and your line length is pretty consistent. I think you did a really good job with this piece! I only have a few things I'd like to mention. These are just suggestions, so you don't have to listen if you don't want to!
The first thing I'd like to mention is capitalization. You capitalize the beginning of every line, but then you randomly capitalized a word in the middle of a line
I recommend remaining consistent in your capitalization. You can easily fix this by making "Worthless" lowercase, or by also capitalizing the first word after each semicolon that you have (the other ones being "used" and "my") so it's consistent.
The next thing I'd like to mention is stanzas. I like how this one is undivided. It looks fine and neat without stanzas, especially since your line length is so consistent. So like you already did, I think your poem works quite nicely without stanzas.
You use two different tenses in this line. You say that you have broken every heart that you will ever hold - past tense, then future tense - but how can you know that you already have crushed every heart in the future? You may have done this on purpose to show the reader that you already know that your future is going to be filled with broken hearts and that love is basically impossible; if that's the case, then it's fine! But I just wanted to point this out just in case it was an accident and you meant to write "that I've ever held"
I feel like a syllable is missing in this line; it disrupted the flow a bit. How about "My words are sharp; they used to kill"?
To me, this was your weakest line; I felt like you had this line just to make it rhyme. But that is just my opinion! I'm sorry if I'm missing the purpose to this line xD
The period feels weird at the end of this line. I would put a question mark.
Overall, I think you did a great job with this piece, and I hope this helped! <3
Ooo! That was great! Really deep and dramatic in general. It's just one of those pieces of work that need to be out there. I can't see how I could tell you how to improve because I'm a bit new on here, and younger than you, apparently (I don't know). Anyhow, maybe you could try.... well have you tried writing a novel yet? Maybe you could do that. I find that most people can do it, they just don't. So, maybe you should think about starting up a novel or story thing. You could post it in chapters. I'll be excited to see what it turns out like. Oh, and don't worry about thinking of a topic, it's pretty easy. I don't think you'll have trouble with that anyway. See you!