Little Things

Ello there Writer of all Writers!

Ok, so red=corrections with grammar etc. Maroon=things I like Purple=Suggestions and then my overall is just whatever.... Enjoy.


So on my first read through, the first thing I noticed was the punctuation. I suppose it works, but to me it just made the poem a little hard to read. This doesn't mean don't use the punctuation, just maybe some different use of punctuation.

Wonders of the world flash and flaunt.
Impossible dreams urge and taunt.
A world of growth, love, and power.
Cities of joy, work, and towers.
People forget the smaller things.
Dancing in jewels like greedy kings.
Everybody wants to live and boast.
Overlooking what matters most. This line throws the flow off a little I think it needs another word.
So you've set us up to see what matters most. You have made a bold statement about society, and one that I happen to agree with tremendously. I commend you for that.

The family fires in the freezing winter.
Dad removing that painful splinter.
Eggs, toast, and a cup of tea.
Holding tightly to your first car key.
Dining out after the winning game.
Not caring for worldwide fame.
Showing mom your well-earned A.
Laying down at the end of the day.
Peeking at that final page.
Hoping things will never change. I didn't notice this until the third time through, but this doesn't rhyme where as the rest of the lines do!

As the world grows into a mighty kingdom,
I’ll never forget where we came from. Of course, another bold statement. Wouldn't have expected less.

Thank you!

Bravo! You are amazing, or as i like to say, "vous es etonnant" the flow was a tad choppy at times, but nothing worth correcting. I enjoyed the part in the end about how the world moves on and loses the importane of simplicity, but you still temember. The part listing the small things is a good input, and i think that it adds to the basic point. At first, i was momentarily confused as to what you were getting at, but it soon made sense. My favorite part had to be the last two lines. I can easily relate to that, thus i enjoyed it. Your punctuation was a bit off at times, but its all good, becajse i have the same problem. 0verall, great work.

Good Job. See the thing I have hi-lighted red, I am a bit confused about the punctuation use.

Wonders of the world flash and flaunt.
Impossible dreams urge and taunt.
A world of growth, love, and power.
Cities of joy, work, and towers.
People forget the smaller things.
Dancing in jewels like greedy kings.
Everybody wants to live and boast.
Overlooking what matters most.

The family fires in the freezing winter.
Dad removing that painful splinter.
Eggs, toast, and a cup of tea.
Holding tightly your first car key.
Dining out after the winning game.
Not caring for worldwide fame.
Showing mom your well-earned A.
Laying down at the end of the day.
Peeking at that final page.
Hoping things will never change.

As the world grows into a mighty kingdom, everything else is a fullstop yet this is a comma.
I’ll never forget where we came from.