Lava

K, first off, I liked the originality aspect of it. Interesting, yet not too interesting, (as in boring, interesting, lol) I have a couple issues with this, though. You use a lot of semi colons, a lot of periods, well, just a lot of punctuation. It kind of broke it up for me, and made it too hard to read. I especially disliked the overuse of the semi colon...onto the flow...the rhyming was OK, but seemed awkward in places, be careful you're not just fitting the rhyme scheme! (Very hard to do, I know.)

WritersUnleashed wrote:

Spoiler

The ground trembles;
The mountain breaks.
Earth’s blood flies; I really like this!
As her body quakes.
The towns grow wild;
Great peril is near.
The parents must shelter;
Without any fear. Why without fear? Because they have to be strong for their children? I still think they'd have fear!
The young and the old;
Huddle together.
Wishing the moment; Why on EARTH would they want such a moment to last forever? Totally baffles me...
Would last forever.
The bricks of the town
Cover with red; Nice!
A young girl walks out,
Fresh out of bed.
She remembers clearly
Her mother’s teachings.
She began reciting Uh, wouldn't it be "She begins reciting" not "began" If you're talking in the past tense, you'll have to change it in other areas, such as "walks". It would be "walked"
The Lord's preachings.
And the lava stopped.This ending seems really really sudden. Too abrupt, in my opinion. It just...stops.

Thanks for sharing, that was entertaining...

I think it's well written and it's very unique. I liked it all. Keep up the good work, I'll like to review more of your work...

Hi!
I like that you added the workings of God into this. It's interesting. But I think there can be more imagery to this. And the way it's written, I'm not able to grasp a feeling of the poem. I like that you rhyme. I hope you make it longer and you make us feel the images.
"A young girl walks out,
Fresh out of bed." These two lines don't sound very convincing. You should edit this.