Barriers

by WritersUnleashed

Published March 29, 2011

I felt like screwing around with refrain and repetions:
(In some parts, you could say that there is a little rhyme, but that is stretching your imagination :P, It is not there on purpose.)

Spoiler! :
The otter swims because it can.
The birds flies to where it likes.
The fish swims in all directions.
No barriers to their lives.
They aren’t trapped like you and me.
They don’t hold back like you and me.
They will explore unlike -- you and me.
Our barriers in our lives.
I forget we have imaginations.
I forget we like to explore the world.
I forget we had originality.
These barriers we’ve created.

Like,hate, comment, don't. :)

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
Matthews
Review
Matthews wrote a review Review · Mar 31, 2011

I like the message a lot, I really do. It wasn't exactly what I thought someone would you to portray that, but it was kind of refreshing because of that.

WritersUnleashed wrote:
The otter swim's because it can. The otter swim's
The birds flies to where it likes. Wouldn't it be "the bird" singular, if you're talking about one. And if not, it would be "The birds fly to where they like."
The fish swim's in all directions.
No barriers to their lives.
They aren’t trapped like you and me.
They don’t hold back like you and me.
They will explore unlike -- you and me. Hmm, the "unlike" threw me off. It broke the flow to me. "They will explore; not you and me" or "they will explore but not you and me.
Our barriers in our lives.
I forget we have imaginations.
I forget we like to explore the world.
I forget we had originality.
These barriers we’ve created.This last bit was my favorite.

User avatar
Hibiscus
Review
Hibiscus wrote a review Review · Mar 29, 2011

I was generally surprised.
At first, starting out, when I was reading the poem, I was kind of iffy. I was worried about where it was going.
But then, when you got to the part about "you and me", I really like it. Although that isn't grammatically correct, but oh well, screw grammar, this is poetry! Haha.
I got shivers reading this. It was really pretty. Nice imagery, nice lead it, although I was worried, but after finishing the poem I really like it. I will be reading this one again, definitely.

User avatar
VousEsEtonnant
Comment
VousEsEtonnant commented Comment · Mar 29, 2011

true, we all have barriers. i kinda disagree with your overall theme, but brilliant job anyways! i would only take out the ---

harshita3chaarag wrote a review Review · Mar 29, 2011

hey... I saw it and title seemed interesting so I decided to see... but made up my mind to review after I read it because its something very true... There is a thing of honesty and reality in it... Indeed we have barriers that stop us... but no barriers could have probably stopped me from reviewing your piece...:) Good job...



In the past I would definitely say who you would find inside. Not so much today. Place is bonkers …. As is everywhere
— Greg Specter