Sun is shining bright
With its royal light
I am shining too
Because of the presence of you...
- DEDICATED TO " THE POWER OF IMAGINATION"
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hey! Cello here!
Not sure what 'the power of imagination' is, a book, some sort of bandwagon, or just the simple concept of imagination, but I'll review anyway. I would like to say though, if it's just talking about the concept of imagination, take out the last line. It's not needed.
On to content-
I feel like it would be nice to start this line with some sort of 'connector' (I'm horrid when it comes to writing vocab so excuse my phrasing) Start it with 'And' or possibly 'but'. (I would go with and) It helps the flow and connects everything nicely.
This is a very indirect way to say this but I get it, anything to make it rhyme. Usually you would say 'your presence' but of course, then things don't really work. There are still a few options though. Maybe 'presence brought by you' or even change it up to something like 'because I'm here with you' Take out the presence and simplify things. Just a suggest, but consider.
I don't like the ellipsis. (...) The last part is a statement, it shouldn't trial off. Replace it with a single period or take out punctuation all together.
I really enjoyed this. I've been writing a lot of romance lately and this really expresses a strong emotion that's easily picked up by the reader. Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
Welcome to the site, heart! ^^ I bet you're already enjoying!
I like rhyming though can't say I'm good at it.
Hope you enjoy your stay!
I think I don't have much to say for this, or do I? :3 it's interesting how it goes and it rhymes!
Though, I think it's little confusing that what are you trying to convey :3 and it gives you an incomplete feeling so you could've made it bit more long, I suppose? And, again, when it's Lyrical, it should be bit long!
So, that's probably it. I'd love to read more from you!
~ Nire.
Hello there, gonna comment on this quickly! Overall, I liked your poem. The only thing that bothered me was the last line. It's slightly longer than the rest, and it just sounds off to me. It's sort of messes with the flow. Other than that, I think this is great. I look forward to reading more of your work!
thank u..i'll try to be better next time..