z

Young Writers Society



Short poem

by Writerbabe101.9


A circle gos on forever just like the love you share. Just by saying hi you can brighten someones day so share all the love you can bare.

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19 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 19

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Wed Mar 04, 2009 3:22 pm
Serendipity Blues wrote a review...



A little forced, but definately cute.

I love poems that are formatted and structured to do with the theme - it makes them easier to read I think and it's nice to have read it, then look at the structure and just go.. "OH YEAH!" So good work (y)

Try to capitalise your words - look for typos - proof-read or get someone to read it back to you so you get two opinions at the same time.

Keep writing!




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5 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 5

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Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:13 am
sisu4life33 wrote a review...



A circle gos on forever just like the love you share. Just by saying hi you can brighten someones day so share all the love you can bare.


This is a sweet little poem. Short and pleasant and circular in form, just like the love you can share!

The last half of the rhyme is a little wordy, though. When reading it out loud, I have to speed up to fit all those words in to make it flow properly. Maybe you could make the poem a little bit longer and spread out your concepts or just cut out some of the smaller, unnecessary words.

Also, it would be really nice if you could use proper spelling. It's not a big, conceptual deal, but it is still very, very important. ("gos" to "goes", "someones" to "someone's"). I know it is probably just a quick, typing error--I make those a lot too!

Good luck! Nice little rhyme :-)





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