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16+ Language

The REAL

by WriterX


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

The real truth is life isn't fair we don't have fairy tales, we have patches and patchwork before the fairy tale and then we discover what is behind the patches of the patchwork the hidden truth, the forbidden tree of knowledge the inside.

Subsequently we are meant to be little chess pieces in a chess board wondering which step to take and which person or obstacle to grab and move out the way like puzzle at a continuum. People everyday in the universe surround themselves with thoughts and complication  of every little thing they do, whether its going to the shop or committing a crime its has its thoughts and drawbacks.

Going back to the REAL, we think we are okay because others resemble us but that's nothing quite frankly that's *jack shit*, we cant just think normal is our normal I mean go to a ghetto and they'll have their version of normal or go to an all white household with strict catholic up bringing they'll have some vision of normal. But what is what?

For instance if Kanye west or kim Kardashian died even though people Disliked them they'd be centre of attention whereas a chartable man whom gave his wealth away would get a corner column quarter- spread saying very few words and a high pixelated picture as the news couldn't give a shit about costing a few to get a better quality one.

That's just the true darkening of life that we all just cover up to fit a still glass image stored in are brainwashed, TV junkie, fast-food eating minds which make us portray a happy ever bullshit that gets us by in the bad times like a re run 60's sitcom that has never ending with sexist and racist quirk jokes that make no sense at all.

Well, you can listen or you can go back and make a change from the so called cycle of life or wisdom that we live by hoping no one will notice our differences and we can camouflage in the crowd of repeats and what  for some fit -in categories of gays ,straights , married, Divorced, weirdos, geeks , freaks ,trans, dumb,  overdoners, promising society holders and the lost.

We live to society expectations- dress wear, friends/associates, behaviour , weight, sterotype and address( the high of high gardens or slop of welfare benefit street), we are judged put in categories and looked over from elites to under performers we are all judged on.

My motto is live ... laugh .... love because what the fuck else will we do if the world is like this hum.. WHAT will we do? Think about this...  seven billion of us and what do we do cave in to BS and blend in or make a show and laugh. Options and all.

By writer X


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Tue Jan 13, 2015 6:58 pm
Lenora742 wrote a review...



I appreciate the basic concept of your article here, but overall, I feel as though you didn't spend much time writing it. I've noticed the other reviewers already pointed out that you have quite a few flaws in the grammar. The biggest thing i noticed is that you have several sentences that go on too long(run-on sentences). I honestly only skimmed over the rest, after the first paragraph, because of the quick-nature of your article. I seriously like the core purpose of it, but you just didn't give it structure. If you would take the time, to re-write it with the structure it needs, It would be very well-written.

Keep writing,
~Nora




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Tue Jan 13, 2015 10:41 am
Eldritch wrote a review...



Hello writer X, seems like you are a newbie here, me too actually (At some points, lol). Anyway, I feel you have written this piece in a hurry or something. There are pretty much grammatical errors and wrong use of punctuations i can see. Also, you haven't used punctuation marks at all at some points where they were needed. So, now, A VERY IMPORTANT POINT. It's your writing, your creation of course but, I actually really didn't like the way you have used all those swearing stuffs. As, Meandbooks said, there are plenty of people who dislike swearing. So, it's better not to use. And, I had to leave reading this one after i read first few lines. I am so sorry about it. But, I'm not discouraging you. I don't know how old you are or whether English is your first language, but, here's a thing. When you have got your work in the GREEN ROOM, you have to face the audience. So, prepare yourself and prepare your work very nicely for that. And, nothing more. DON'T FEEL BAD. Just, recheck your article, edit it, if needed, then, seek help from friends.

And, finally, ladcat13 and Meandbooks have really left helpful messages for you. Read those and edit the piece. :D And, don't worry! Chill out! And, look at your own message!

My motto is live ... laugh .... love


So, that's it. Hopefully you will do some editing. This can be a really strong message (After some rechecking and editing, I believe.)

Good Day!


~Min




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Mon Jan 12, 2015 4:33 pm
Mea wrote a review...



Hello! I'm here get this out of the Green Room for you!

To be honest, this needs a lot of work. As @ladcat13 said, the grammar is bad to the point of being nearly incomprehensible. I have no idea if this is because you honestly don't know grammar and punctuation rules or if it's because you threw it together really quickly, so I'm not going to go through and nitpick every detail. There's far too many and you need to get the rest of the essay together first.

I think I have figured out the point you were trying to get across, though. You seem to be saying that even though the world may seem like it's terrible and hopeless, we should laugh in the face of it and still have fun.

The idea is wonderful, but it needs quite a bit of polishing. Here are some suggestions as to how it could be matured.

1. Take out the swearing. Please. It makes you sound angry at the world, which runs contrary to the message of this piece. It also alienates large portions of the audience who don't like swearing. It sounds juvenile and is completely unnecessary in this context. It makes this seem much more like a rant than an essay. Swearing has no place in essays. I'm sorry if I sound harsh on this point. I just really, really dislike swearing.

2. I love the point you make about how the media focuses so much more on tragedies and deaths, while positive things like charity donations go almost completely unnoticed. I also liked your point about how everyone has different ideas of what is "normal", so there really is no such thing as normal. Basically, you need to elaborate on these ideas and how they are relative to your point. Are you trying to say that people need to be more positive and accepting? Say that, as clearly and concisely as possible.

Furthermore, I would caution you on the message you are trying to portray. Ignoring the problems of society and just living life freely isn't going to make those problems go away. Instead, we should just find ways to help where we can while still keeping a positive outlook on life and letting yourselves be happy. I'm pretty sure that you aren't trying to say that we should ignore the problems of the world, but at times it seemed like you were. Be careful is all I'm saying.

This should give you a good start. I hope to see this piece polished up and refined! With some work, it could be a great, inspiring message.

-Meandbooks




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Mon Jan 12, 2015 2:48 pm
ladcat13 wrote a review...



BOOM *appears in a dramatic flash of smoke*

To be perfectly honest, I stopped reading about three paragraphs in. I think you have some inspired imagery and some strong points of view. It's great that you're trying to express them. But every single one of the sentences I read was a run-on. There were no commas, very few periods, and a lot of confusion. Your message is coming across garbled because there's just so much information coming in in only one sentence. A paragraph should be at least five to seven separate sentences, and a sentence should be no more than three independent clauses. You need to go through and proofread aloud- that'll help you find what's wrong with things. PM me when you've fixed some stuff, and I'll review again.

Work on it, and as always, keep writing.
-ladcat13





All truly wise thoughts have been thought already thousands of times; but to make them truly ours, we must think them over again honestly, till they take root in our personal experience.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe