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The Marionettes- Page 1

by SalemReine


It's been one month since they all died.

You pull your mourning clothes out of your closet, still obligated to wear the plain black dress. The fluffy blood-colored carpet slides under your feet, still not taped to the floor, despite asking for the fourth time last night. Picking it up, you sigh in defeat. Perhaps you'll have to do it yourself. You suppose you can't really blame any of the servants, they've lost your parents too. A knock at the door causes you to drop the rug in annoyance.

"Aviva. I know you're in there. Please stop sneaking around and just talk to me." Reinier's deep, melodious voice floated through the door, echoing in the large space.

You roll your eyes. Your sister has insisted upon being your therapist, no matter how many times you've told her that you'd rather just stuff everything down and be done with it. You decide it's more fun to put on heavy, messy eyeliner than deal with her, so you do.

"Aviva. I have something important to tell you." Reinier knocks again.

You moan. Maybe you should just open the door... or you could make your dramatic escape.

CAST YOUR VOTES DOWN BELOW

To open the door and hear her out, turn to page 4.

To complain about your rug, turn to page 7.

To climb out your window and leave her standing there, turn to page 21.


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Sun Dec 05, 2021 10:34 am
rida says...



Page 21!!!!!




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Sat Dec 04, 2021 8:43 pm
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AlyTheBookworm says...



Page 21, of course. :)




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Sat Dec 04, 2021 6:36 pm
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TheWordsOfWolf says...



Climb out the window gets my vote! why be logical when you can be dramatic?

anyway, hi, Wren!
I love your story and I can't wait to read on!




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Sat Dec 04, 2021 6:31 am
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HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It's been one month since they all died.

You pull your mourning clothes out of your closet, still obligated to wear the plain black dress. The fluffy blood-colored carpet slides under your feet, still not taped to the floor, despite asking for the fourth time last night. Picking it up, you sigh in defeat. Perhaps you'll have to do it yourself. You suppose you can't really blame any of the servants, they've lost your parents too. A knock at the door causes you to drop the rug in annoyance.

"Aviva. I know you're in there. Please stop sneaking around and just talk to me." Reinier's deep, melodious voice floated through the door, echoing in the large space.


Well I have to say this is probably the very first time that I've ever reviewed a choose your own adventure situation, but I'm going to try and give this one a shot here. Soo..right off the bat, it seems we're jumping into a situation right after a bit of a tragedy has occurred here. It seems our character has had quite some time to process things but is still feeling the effects of what happened quite some time ago. The entire atmosphere also seems to still be shrouded in these deaths and no one seems to have fully recovered. It certainly makes for a very interesting atmosphere to be dropped into.

You roll your eyes. Your sister has insisted upon being your therapist, no matter how many times you've told her that you'd rather just stuff everything down and be done with it. You decide it's more fun to put on heavy, messy eyeliner than deal with her, so you do.

"Aviva. I have something important to tell you." Reinier knocks again.

You moan. Maybe you should just open the door... or you could make your dramatic escape.


Okayy so that's an interesting shift in the tone. This part seems a tiny bit more humorous and light, especially that last line to end on. It seems the deaths are affecting them, but its come to a point where constantly being asked about it and talking about it has become a little tiresome. Its an interesting little moment there and I think a good place to break off into some choices there. Well...a pretty decent start here, and well, moving onto those choices.

I think I'd cast my vote for the page 4 one there. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




SalemReine says...


Thank you for your review!!



HarryHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



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Sat Dec 04, 2021 2:18 am
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InuYosha says...



PAGE 21!!!!!




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Fri Dec 03, 2021 3:45 pm
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MailicedeNamedy says...



I take the third option: "To climb out your window and leave her standing there"




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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi WrenZorya,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

That's an interesting idea you've shown here and I was happy to take part in it. I liked the fact that we get right into the action and that you don't take so long to explain something lengthy. I really like the beginning and the way you create a tension right away. What exactly happened? Why am I still alive? I like how you only go a little deeper afterwards and it becomes clear that there are still some people who exist.

The fluffy blood-colored carpet slides under your feet, still not taped to the floor, despite asking for the fourth time last night.

Very nice detail, making the "still" in italic. It sounds quite different when you read it through.

You're building up tension all the time here, which I like. You raise some great questions in this first chapter and I'm really curious to see what happens next. However, I also found that it moved on to the next point a bit too quickly when the dialogue started. Especially because you were a bit more "verbose" at the beginning with the descriptions and the short details, this point was a bit flatter in the second half.

I think if you just expanded a little bit there, like "I haven't heard her voice in a long time." Or "she seems so unreal to me", etc... it would also add a little touch of mystery. But in general, I already loved reading such an interesting story method here and look forward to participating. :D

Since I don't know directly how you'd like the story to continue, and I guess you'll have to rely on the votes of the participants here, I guess it'll look like you'll continue writing where most have voted? (This is just a short suggestion, so I'll put it in brackets, but wouldn't it also make sense, for example, to publish the answers in a next work, where you then put the individual paths into spoilers where people can read on?)

Have fun writing!

Mailice




SalemReine says...


Thank you for your review, I will take your suggestions into account!




"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery