Purebred - Prologue

A gun to his head. A boom sounded in the distance, echoing with a crack. Chicago.

He took a haggard breath.

“What do you think we have? Thirty minutes? Less?”

Moonlight glinted sharply on the barrel, blackening one eye for a moment. He blinked away the colours.

“See here. On his knees, all bloody and sad, the man who brought the whole freaking human race to its end. The biggest mistake of humankind.”

Finally he spoke. Pushing the words through gritted teeth, he said, “Why bother going around shooting people now? We’ll all be dead before morning anyway.”

“Not people. Just you. I won’t rest in peace until your brain is splattered on this pavement.”

A fist flew from the shadows and connected with his cheek, sending him sprawling into the dust.

“Too weak to fight. Why don’t you go and hide just like you did when you doomed us all, then, since you pulled the trigger last time?”

Indirectly,” he repeated as a groan.

“I’m sure the people of Chicago will forgive you. Oh, that’s right, they’re dead.”

He cried as someone took a handful of his hair and lifted him high off the ground to see into a pair of bloodshot, green eyes. The barrel of the gun pushed under his chin, the metal cold enough to burn right through his skin.

“Hey Johnny? I think I’ll shoot you now before I loose my chance.”

The shot echoed off the buildings but was muffled by a woman screaming in the next block. The group of men dropped the body and pelted down the street, vanishing into the city.

The minutes ticked slowly on as the residents waited for the moment when the shock wave would hit and they would be only the dust left of a great city. Various towns in Indiana and Michigan went rather quietly in comparison to Chicago. Everyone heard the obliteration of Cleveland.

Fires blazed in windows and on the streets. Cars sat, still running on the roads after their owners had abandoned them in their haste. There weren’t many people visible, most were running for the sea or had found themselves a bomb shelter of sorts, neither of which would help them. Screams, cries and desperate howls floated on the slight breeze while the stars shone as they always had.

The explosions had started somewhere in California. They slowly engulfed the entirety of the United States, spreading into Mexico and Canada, a gigantic and utterly deadly ripple-effect. The rest of the world would soon follow.

Some people prayed and called to their gods while others curled up and fought the terror, most found their loved ones and huddled close. Some took to murder and theft as those thugs had and others tried to pretend the last two days hadn’t occurred at all. 

One young boy sat alone on his front steps. He had been paying attention and knew the intervals. After Detroit had blown, he listened for Cleveland and then Pittsburgh. Straining his ears, he heard what he was looking for, the loudest eruption so far: Philadelphia. He began counting down aloud to himself. His hands sprung together as he held tightly to his own hand.

“Five, four, three, two, one, zero-

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dragonrider
Review

You had a weak beginning and watch out for choppy sentences and unnecessary paragraphs (watch out for your grammar). The sentences didn't really flow and the quotations aren't realistic--what 'real' people would 'really say'. Your ending is stronger than your beginning, but the zero is unnecessary. Also, your prologue is way too long for an end-of-the-world genre. Instead of catching my attention, it kind of dragged. You should shorten it to a few paragraphs at most. Use some descriptions, and stronger action words to grab the reader. But your story is interesting--just watch out for sentences that confuse or lose the reader!

Keep on writing

Dragon Rider



Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
— Captain James T. Kirk