Young Writers Society

The Final Run

Yellow eyes glow in
the dark -
fireflies amid
tree bark.

Antlers already
confused;
fear and heart ready
to fuse.

Searching for a chance
to flee
away with a prance,
get free.

Fearful eyes look to
the south,
A wolf spills drool from
its mouth.

Finally, the pack
pounces;
off the snow the hoof
bounces.

Hungry wolves begin
to hunt,
now the final run's
begun.

Heck, that was an awesome poem I think I'm gonna cry OMELET (Another way of saying OMG Oh My Extremely Lovely Eucalyptus Trees) I LOVE WOLVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love it!! Cynder happy to review. There arent many things wrong at all with this poem except maybe one thing. I would think about a setting. How big the pack is, (and you dont have to be specific, just general) season, age of the wolves, and maybe add a feeling of the hunt in the wolves eyes. Other than that, which you dont have to do if you dont want to, I think this is a lovely poem.

Hey Wolfie! Here with a quick review for your lovely poem.

I really liked the idea of this poem. You had wonderful imagery. It was simple, but beautiful. Thumbs up for that.

I like your use of rhythm and enjambment. It created a kind of start-stop feeling. But you have to be careful with this feel. Most people look for a smooth feel in poetry, so when you step out of that you have to be very careful. I think that you did really well with this. But there are a few places where a line or two will flow more than the other lines, and this kind of disrupts the feel. But you only do that in a few places. Overall your flow was really good.
A lot of people will probably tell you that because it's about nature it should be smooth and beautiful. But you have to keep in mind that it is also about a hunt, which should be fast and startling. So exactly what you want to do for flow is entirely up to you. Personally, I really like how you did the slightly choppy start-stop type thing, because it is unusual and give this poem a unique flare.

One thing you should think about is clarity. Now, I knew before reading this that it is about wolves. But most readers won't.
"gray fur shining on their backs."
Is that referring to the elk or to the POV animal? Your readers are smart, and will be able to piece together that the POV animal is probably some sort of canine. But I do think that a few more hints specific to wolves is needed. I mean, how many animals can you think of that have tails?So while "joyful tails swish back and forth." is helpful (it provides wonderful imagery), it doesn't narrow the spectrum very much. Maybe make some small reference to a "pack"? Or something else that is more specific to wolves.

Also, your stanzas. I had seen this poem before you edited it, when it didn't have stanzas and was all put together in one piece. My guess is that someone told you a poem should have stanzas? Well, that's not completely true. Most poems should have stanzas, but shorter poems don't need them. And I think that this poem is one of the poems that doesn't need them. So whether or not this has stanzas is up to you. Personally, I find that the stanzas are causing me to pause at places I wouldn't have paused in the original formatting, and I don't like it as much. The pauses are not necessary, they make it harder to grasp the start-stop flow, and they divide the imagery up. I found it much better when everything was all together.

I really liked how you ended it. It was very clever on your part to not actually mention the hunt until the end. Great job there.


Overall, I think this is a wonderful poem. I hope you do continue writing poetry, because this is really good. Great job!

~WW

I really like this poem. Its really good and I didn't see any mistakes. I hope you keep on writing, beecuase this is aweose.

Love,
Dogsrule5

Hi there!

This is pretty good! You've gotten a like out of me!

I do have a few things I'd like to address about the poem, however.

The first thing I'd like to talk about is your line breaks. I really liked your word choice, but it was a little difficult to read because the line breaks made it so choppy and short. This is a very nature-centric poem, so in my mind, it should read beautifully. Combine lines to make them longer. My suggestion is to break it up like this: