Published November 15, 2011
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,421 Literary Works • 672,559 Reviews
this poem is soo cool!
i don't think there is anything quite wrong with the rhythm..it perfectly portrays that sense of frenzy the way it is..
fantastic one dude!
My thanks for all the comments =) I've sure noticed the forced rhythm, but I let it be, because it makes the poem bitter - and reality is the same.
Wow....
Amazing! As far as the rhyming goes....well My poems hardly ever rhyme, but if they come out, then that's an accomplishment! 
lol. I really liked this piece! 
Nice job!
The rhymes felt really forced, maybe you could try rhyming every other line instead of all the way through? Nice message though, loving the use of repetition and the rhetorical question. The last line felt very forceful and emphasized your message. Good job, this poem definitely has potential
This doesn't quite make sense. That might sound harsh, but this is a hard piece to follow. You should definately add more to it. Put some more detail in there. Your rhymes aren't very 'flowing' either.
It has potential though, none the less but I think you should consider revising and adding on to it.