~ Deleted from existence~
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hey Kyousuke, here for a review as requested!
First off, I'd like to just say that I'm extremely impressed that you've written this story in a secondary language -- you wouldn't catch me writing a novel in French.
So, I don't have a lot to critique; your story so far is progressing at a good pace and it's got an interesting start. I suppose the part at the end could use a little clearing up -- when he says he's in his sister's mansion, does that mean that the woman who was talking was his sister? I guess we'll find out why he's there and what his mission is, but in the meantime I'd like to know what he means by continuing his "reign" and just why he's so happy about that.
The order should be: I do not even have any clear idea what has happened.
Not sure if you meant something else by "serves"; I couldn't figure out any other substitute other than "swerves," but I'm not sure if that's what you wanted.
Not quite sure what this means. One of his inventions gave him a nickname? Are his inventions capable of intelligent thought, then?
Okay, that was really all I had to nitpick about. Please PM me when you post more, I'd like to continue reading! Thanks for the request, and feel free to PM me if you've got any questions about what I've said. Cheers! (: