Published July 7, 2008
Love on LSD
a Heart forgotten misery
A new day without shine
The first thing I've ever found to call mine
we were as real as God
only to let our religion rot
Only for the good
Who I've become. The one I should
Who you've become. I only wish you would
This is the world when you're gone
Black Ivory Roses and a heart in the hands of King Kong
These are my eyes in light
These are my fist in fight
This is what's wrong with your right
What you've left behind
You'll find ahead
What you tried so hard to hide
You'll find it coming through
When you look across
I am changing Hue
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141,727 Literary Works • 675,621 Reviews
I love the first four lines, the rhyme was incredibly un-obnoxious. Very nice =]
I was a bit confused afer that (maybe it's because I'm not that well atm, I'm not sure, tell me f I'm just being thick) - the capitalisation seemed a bit arbitrary Who and Who and Only, but the lines before that no? Maybe a full stop after "only to leand "The one I should". Because I'm not sure what you're trying to say exactly, I don't know if the punctuation is wrong or if it's deliberately weird.
These are my fist(s) maybe?
I like the first two lines a lot again, very vivid interesting imagery.
I'm not sure about the last one though, your right what?
This was my favourite stanza of them all, it all fits together really well. Especially "you'll find it coming through, when you look across I'm changing Hue" - that's just lovely.