A little seed carelessly cast
I wonder how long it shall last
In a week or two, the green dot
Its place in my thoughts grows to naught
Amidst many shards it grows
Out of vitality it glows
Now the toddlers it watched playing
Are bent and withered and greying.
Eons after, it still stands tall
Its wisdom growing every fall
Unshed tears, unspoken words
Being home to all kinds of birds
It beholds a dawn everyday
Mourns the sun when he is away
Stubborn mountain during a storm
Mother waits for more such to form
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139,801 Literary Works • 672,771 Reviews
Okay, I will try to be kind, but I'll warn you... reviews can be very harsh. So don't take anything personally.
I didn't like this as much as others seemed to. I think your rhymed just for the sake of rhyming, and the words you rhymed with didn't really make sense. For example, the green dot didn't seem to have any symbolism for much of anything, it didn't have a deeper meaning. It just contributes to the rhyme scheme.
The rhythm wasn't great. This was mainly because in the first few stanzas you had lines that were shorter than others, and it made this poem a choppy read. You also lacked punctuation which might've made this poem more rhythmic.
You had one single stanza in this poem that was perfect.
This was beautiful. The wisdom, the unshed tears and unspoken words. This is true poetry. I fell in love with this stanza, and if you don't mind: I'd like to memorize it so I can quote it aloud. Maybe mention it to my friends. It was beautiful, and I pictured this tall and strong (yet old and wise) tree who has survived storms and humans and hurt and pain. It was truly a beautiful image. So thank you for that.
Again, my reviews can be harsh, so don't take anything personally except for the good that I said. You have the makings of a great poem, but there are always things you can do to make it better.
Keep Writing!
-Gravity
I know it won't do me any good to explain my poem, but the "green dot" is supposed to denote a little green sprout. I'm pretty sure I've thought up all the symbolisms to the best of my ability, so I won't be changing any of those.
I do agree with what you've said about the rhythm. I tried to even out the number of syllables in each line, but I see it hasn't worked. I'll try to think of something that can be done about it.
Thank you so much <3 I'm glad you liked that stanza ^^
Hi, i'm herby, here to reveiw.
I love this poem. I think it is the perfect length, and it rhymes very well. You don't get stuck on things and repeat them, which I think is very important.
I like how you ended the poem, but you might want to add a period. I don't know if that was accidental or intentional, but it kind of set me off.
Thanks for the read!
herby
I shall add the periods (I forgot to do so, my mistake.)
Thanks for reviewing
I must say, that at first I though this poem would be kinda boring- based off the title, but while reading through the poem I began to see excitement and mystery that were woven into your words. This poem is excellently written. It's unique, it's creative, it draws the reader into it. I love the word choice, and how the lines rhyme at the end. The poem brings an air of mysteriousness, with how the "green dot" does all of these things, and it leaves the reader questioning- what is the "green dot"? I loved the poem, it is excellent. Bravo to you, you have quenched my thirst for a strong piece of poetry.
Thanks for the review.
I'll try thinking of a better title.