Young Writers Society

Hello, Ley here to leave a review on this awesome work! I will be using my own review method today: Ley's Potato Chips Version! I'm trying out this review method in attempt to leave more enjoyable reviews. Let's get started and cut these potatoes, shall we? :3

This was a super intriguing story! I love frogs, so when I realized the story followed a little frog named Chester, I was more than inclined to read. From the start to the end of the story, you had my heart feeling warm and cozy with the descriptions of rain and the wholeheartedness of Chester's actions!

Fry Those Potato Slices!

These are my favorite lines:

When our little frog found the right road, raindrops started to appear. Many animals groaned with displeasure. Only Chester perked up. He didn't like being dry. As far as he knew, amphibians were supposed to enjoy rainy days. Water was great for their skin.

This quote really stuck out to me because of your descriptions, as well as expressing how frogs really do love being wet. I could just imagine little Chester hopping around trying to find the right road with his umbrella, but the internal thoughts expressed how young Chester really is.

She, too, had little food left in her hut, and Cupid's gift was just what she needed to survive the storm. It was nice to be noticed.

The ending was by far my favorite part, because it is the perfect way to express to the reader how Chester has changed since going to get the flour. The way he realized that if he was nice and giving, people would notice him and he'd be known as a selfless person (or frog, in this case xD).

Add Some Salt!

I couldn't find any issues with this story! It was a casual read, and I couldn't find any grammar mistakes!

The only thing I'd suggest would be regarding the title: Try capitalizing the P in "Pancakes", since it's a title, both nouns should be capitalized. Very minor, but everything else was perfect!

Enjoy The Crunchy Greatness!

Overall, this was a wonderful story about a frog named Chester who gives a wet rabbit his umbrella, and soon realizes that he likes the feeling of giving back. It leaves me to wonder if the Cupid and Chester will later on see each other again? O.o I hope so! It seems like the start to a great relationship.

That's it for now! Enjoy your potato chips!

With Love,
Ley

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This was a lovely little story here. Quite the little world that you've built up here too even if it was for such a short and sweet piece. We definitely get to see some distinct personalities and lives in there.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Dark clouds appeared over Sunflower Valley. Lighting was furiously striking down trees and bushes. No one dared to go outside. Critters all around the forest tried very hard to keep themselves warm. Multiple blankets and hot drinks had to be used.

After a while, it finally stopped raining. The weather was still a bit chilly, but at least it wasn't dangerous. The village slowly started to look alive. A rabbit went to buy some cookies. A badger took their kids to play in the puddles. Everyone hoped to see the sun soon.

Love this little opening here. Just gently establishing a general vibe to the atmosphere while also giving us a subtle look at exactly what sort of world we're dealing with too. I really like how its done there, just seamlessly establishing quite a lot in just the first two paragraphs. I think that's very well done.

"Don't forget about your umbrella! You never know when that dreadful rain will come back. Son, promise me you won't get sick. I hate the sniffles. They're dreadful. " Mrs Frog said dramatically while holding a bunch of colorful umbrellas.

"Mine is the red one, right?" a small yellow frog named Chester asked.

"Yes. Now pick up the pace and leave, please. We need that flour, pronto."

Well this seems like a nice little interaction here. Its quite a short conversation but I think we've got a surprising amount of personality packed into it. Just telling us what sort of relationship the two share and how much they seem to care for each other. Well let's see how this unfolds.

Chester's mother pushed her son out the door. He was dressed in a sea green cloak. His eyes had a playful spark in them. After taking a deep breath, Chester smiled. It was a great season for running.

During the journey, our main hero waved to all his neighbors. In return, each of them greeted him cheerfully. Unfortunately, Chester didn't have time for games and chit-chat. His family desperately needed flour. The freezing cold made them hungry for some pancakes.

The "Fluffy Rolls" bakery was known for the best baking ingredients around. It had stunning displays and loads of icing sugar. The very thought of it made everyone lick their lips. The storm, however, made it all inaccessible. A big oak had fallen onto the bakery's roof. As a result, it was out of order for the entire day!

Well this is a lovely little start to the journey. I'm really loving how we just have both a very serious to need to get this flour that does feel real and urgent and also just an underlying current of humor about how this epic journey is about flour at the end of it all. I quite like that balance keeping it fairly without downplaying the importance too too much.

Chester was shocked. If he wanted to complete his mission, he had to go to the supermarket, which was located on the other side of the village.

When our little frog found the right road, raindrops started to appear. Many animals groaned with displeasure. Only Chester perked up. He didn't like being dry. As far as he knew, amphibians were supposed to enjoy rainy days. Water was great for their skin.

"I don't understand why mom gave me this umbrella. Rain is awesome." Chester thought. He danced until his clothes became completely soaked.

Well that's an interesting development. Hmm, as much as it does make sense that our friend Chester would enjoy the rain quite thoroughly it will be interesting to see how safely he can bring that flour back if his clothes are going to be soaked through.

Not everyone was having such a blast, though. A rabbit named Cupid stood shivering next to a bus stop. He couldn't come home without first buying something to eat. Because of his large appetite, there was almost no food left in the fridge. Only a trip to the supermarket was able to save him.

Chester quickly noticed the poor fellow, since Cupid's pink T-shirt was easy to spot.

The frog looked at the rabbit with pity. Nothing protected him from the downpour.

Oooh well this is an unexpected turn of events there. I was expecting that umbrella to come back in a different scenario but well rescuing someone in need is definitely a heroic turn for this to take. ALthough now I have to wonder if Chester is going to end up regretting this, despite the fact that this is in fact a noble act.

"Here! You can have my umbrella. I don't need it anyway. " Chester said to Cupid, who was surprised by the kind gesture.

"Thanks." the rabbit answered with a shy smile. He took the umbrella and opened it. Now, waiting for the bus wasn't so bad.

Even though they were going in the same direction, Chester decided not to use the bus. He preferred to run in the rain.

After saying goodbye to Cupid, the frog sprinted forward, feeling free and light as a feather.

Hmm well judging by that it seems all will be fine after all. Certainly a nice direction to go in there. I honestly love this direction a lot more than if that had backfired. It makes for a lovely way to end up making it heroic after all. Well let's see how this ends.

The flour was bought, and delivered safely in one piece. Initially, Mrs Frog made a fuss about the missing umbrella. However, upon hearing the whole story, she softened a bit. We all have things that we find useless. Sometimes it's better to give them away, because then they might help someone in need.

Cupid and Chester didn't meet again that day. Nevertheless, they both thought of each other quite fondly. Despite being complete strangers, the two of them felt happy about the encounter. What's more, Chester's act of kindness sparked another one. Cupid also tried to be selfless. For the first time in a long while, he shared his dessert with a forgetful owl that lived next to him. She, too, had little food left in her hut, and Cupid's gift was just what she needed to survive the storm. It was nice to be noticed.

Well that was significantly more wholesome than I expected it to be and I really enjoyed. Its not often you get to see a purely wholesome little tale like that and I think you cap it off really well here. Especially with how the kindness just spreads one step further and everyone ends up making it through.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall a really wholesome little tale here. Certainly put a big smile on my face and really you can't ask for too much more when it comes to a short and sweet little tale like this.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate