A Bond that Started by the Creek: Introduction

➥First impressions💗: Initially, I approached this piece with a hint of skepticism, unsure of what to expect. However, as I delved deeper into the narrative, I found myself increasingly captivated by its charm and warmth. The vivid portrayal of Brickwood Peak and its inhabitants painted a delightful picture, drawing me into their world. Particularly, I was drawn to the character of Jaxon, portrayed not as a mere archetype, but as a fully fleshed-out young boy with boundless ambition—a refreshing depiction of childhood innocence and aspiration. What struck me most was the subtle undercurrent of vulnerability beneath Jaxon's outward confidence, adding depth and nuance to his character. Moreover, the dynamic between Jaxon and his father, Mr. Bell, intrigued me; it was evident that Mr. Bell's passion for farming played a significant role in shaping Jaxon's interests and motivations. Overall, this narrative exudes charm and craftsmanship, capturing the essence of small-town life and the wonder of childhood.

➥Something to think about: Pacing, dialogue, and character development are key aspects that warrant attention. A judicious balance of these elements can transform a good story into something exceptional.

➥Show don’t tell: I know I’m not the first reviewer to say this. Honestly, many writers struggle with this, I as well struggle with this. While the descriptions of the town and its residents are vivid, there are moments where the narrative could benefit from a more nuanced approach. Rather than simply stating character traits, consider illustrating them through actions, dialogue, and internal thoughts. For instance, instead of asserting Mr. Bell's kindness and hard work, allow these qualities to manifest organically through his interactions with others.

➥Dialogue: Dialogue serves as a vital tool for character development and narrative momentum. Incorporating more dialogue, particularly between Jaxon and his family members, can breathe life into the story and provide valuable insight into their relationships. Moreover, dialogue can inject vitality into the narrative, creating moments of tension, humor, and emotional resonance.

➥Conflict and Resolution: While the narrative effectively establishes Jaxon's desire for significant achievements, the resolution feels somewhat abrupt, lacking the buildup and tension necessary for a satisfying payoff. Introducing obstacles or challenges that force Jaxon to confront his limitations can heighten the stakes and create a more compelling narrative arc. This is a hard one—for me anyway, lol, so there’s no shame in a little mess up now and then. Building tension is rather challenging in stories you don’t want to overdo it with long-winded descriptions, dialogues, etc., but you also want to keep the readers on their toes and guessing what’s to come.

How to work on building tension?

1)Establish stakes: make sure your readers understand what’s at risk for your characters.

2)Use Pacing: Short, choppy sentences and fast-paced action scenes (which am guilty of all the time due to laziness) don’t really heighten tension, slower pacing can build anticipation and suspense.

3)Foreshadowing: Drop hints and clues throughout your story that something significant is going to happen.
If you have any other notes to add to my three add them and improve your narrative!

Final say💗🙌🏽: There’s always room for improvement, I hope my review helped you in any way and keep shining and sharing your work! (^·^) if you write and upload any work anywhere else (like Wattpad) let me know!

Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me hoping in with a quick review. Overall this seems like it has a chance to be a charming middle-grade type story. It reminds me of the story I would read in school back then however there are a few issues that I feel I must bring up.

First I want to bring up the one that is smaller but took me out of the story. " I mean, the handmade "Egg-scooper 5000" wasn't even able to scoop more than two eggs without breaking the shells and spooking the chickens. " Since this was done in the third person the I mean feels wildly out of place and makes me question the POV I would say to change it to something like after all, or use it in a dialogue. This also plays into my next part.

At the risk of sounding rude, the biggest issue in this is it tells rather than shows a lot. I feel there's a better way to get this information across than saying it point-blank. perhaps we start with the old lady watering her flowers with the tv carrying through the window and that's when we get the Friday line. then we juxtapose that with steam bellowing out the family barn as Jaxsons invention blows up his mother use it goes to talk to him while his father has a guest over. this is where I would put lines about the jogging, the egg grabber and their move, only for his mother to fail to comfort him. I would then show a bit of the dad's talks with guests showing them thanking him before he tries to comfort his son showing how awkward it is. the dad could even use the news as a way to cheer him up.

Please don't get disheartened I am by no means a pro after eight years so it is a long process. Keep writing and drink water!

Hi my name is Animist1, such a great story you wrote here. I hope Jaxon next invention does not not turns into a disaster. And i am waiting for the next episode to come. Anyway Jaxon is a funny kid, putting a grape inside the microwave and expecting positive result. waiting for more of the episodes.