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E - Everyone

02. The Invisible Kid (continued)

by WinnyWriter

This section is an addition to the end of chapter 2, so it should be read in context between chapters 2 and 3.


"You have something to explain to me," I said to Rachel in between classes the next day. 

"Oh, do I?" she arched an eyebrow.

"Yes. You always talk about how socially awkward you are, but you did pretty well managing a conversation with Jefferson and Skye yesterday at lunch - at least, for as much as they would let you. What's with that?"

Rachel shifted her shoulder bag and looked at the floor. 

"I guess I've just always thought of myself as socially awkward," she shrugged. 

"You seem pretty chill to me," I remarked. 

"Well, thanks," she said, looking up again. "But not everybody has given me a chance. In fact, most people haven't. I'm not pretty and my family doesn't have a lot of money, so my clothes are mostly hand-me-downs and thrift store stuff. I'm not one of the cool kids, so therefore I'm a misfit."

I studied Rachel's even gaze. I was surprised at the resignation in her demeanor, like all that stuff didn't even bother her anymore. 

"Yeah, I get what you're saying," I said finally. I paused thoughtfully for a moment, then asked, "So is that why you think it's so important to given Jefferson and Skye a chance?" 

"You've got it," she grinned. "Now, I've got to hurry so I'm not late for class. See you later!" She waved as she dashed away.

Watching her go, I grunted to myself, "People are stupid."

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108 Reviews

Points: 13147
Reviews: 108

Sun Jan 26, 2020 9:02 am
Asith wrote a review...

Hello! Happy review day from the Ruby Reviewers!

I'm just here to leave a very short review, basically saying that I enjoyed this bit! Your writing is well-developed in terms of both grammar and punctuation, so no fallacies there. Even your vocabulary tends towards the interesting, and your use of actions between speech are nice to read.

Since I don't want to leave without adding some criticism, I would like to see some surrounding description here. Don't overdo it, of course; especially not for a section this short, but some description of where our characters are would make it easier to picture the scene in our heads. I understand this is connected to chapter 2, but since it's a new day and a new-ish setting, some description of the atmosphere wouldn't hurt!

Not much else to say; I really like how naturally your storytelling and dialogue flow in this piece, and I think you have a knack for these modern settings :)

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Points: 39
Reviews: 4

Tue Dec 10, 2019 9:29 pm
RosalynWilde wrote a review...

I do love your writing style! It's clean, modern and easy to follow. However, the mixture between simple and more complicated vocabulary does put me off. It is alright for such words to be exchanged in conversation, but I feel that a narrator need be elegant and either pick between simple vocabulary, or complicated vocabulary. A mixture of both is offsetting. Keep writing!

"The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them."
— Louis C.K.