Published January 30, 2005
Valentine's Day.
I hate Valentine's day. There's no point to it, no purpose. The only thing it's good for is to show, once again, that no one likes me. It pointless, worthless and depressing. I know there'll be no card waiting in my post box, no candy on my doorstep, no flowers in my hand. One of my friends used to send Valentines to herself, to cheer her up. That's what this day does to you: It drives you to the low point of a lie to show you're at least liked.
Girls like me never get Valentines. Whether it's because we're not pretty enough or sexy enough, we'll never get it. Not in this reality anyway.
That's why I was so surprised when Johnothan walked up to me.
I stared at him blankly as he took the seat opposite to mine. This was totally new to me. The only time I've ever talked to Johnothan before, was when he wanted to borrow a pen.
"I have a proposition for you," he started.
"Go ahead,"I said slowly, disbelievingly.
"Well, you're friends with that Dana chick, right?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said, again slowly. For some reason it felt as though he wouldn't understand me if I talked normally.
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140,081 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay well that is quite the complaint there against Valentine's day to start off with. The immediate backup there in the form of proof of why such a thing would go down is pretty strong though, and I do like the way that you're managing to phrase everything here. It certainly mixes quite well with the general idea you're trying to bring across with Valentine's at least from the perspective of this one specific character.
Well this is an interesting turn of events there. There's no doubt this is about to be some sort of ulterior motive given the general tone that I've seen from this piece so far, but its a nice sort of twist to the rant that was just gathering speed and I like the way this is going at the moment.
Hmm well that's a little bit of a cliffhanger there to end on and I do like the direction it appears to be heading in. It doesn't exactly seem like things are going to end up going particularly well there but there's enough light mystery dusting the area that I am curious to find out.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Okay, I corrected some things that dreaming_mouse pointed out.
Thanks for the crit everyone!
Knew = new?
Not bad, I like how you get straight to the point and your use of first person narrative. The emotions portrayed in this piece are very clear and rampant.
totally relate with the character 110%, and i dont think that the length of your writing needs improvement however if you do keep it a short paragraph, you need a killer ending like "he wouldn't give me a second glance unless i was sitting there naked" or something overly ridiculous and dont sweat about the spelling/grammar, i'm horrible with stuff like that too
Hey
thanks for the reviews guys. I was kinda destracted when I wrote this and had to go before I could go further. My spelling is horrid when I don't use a dictionary or something
And Harley, I'm very ashamed to say that I share some (only some) of the feelings of this character.
I can totally relate to what the character is feeling. You have really expressed it well, and I am wondering if maybe the character is based on you?
yea I forgot that
sorry 
I keep forgetting there's more ways to spell a name it's just I'm so used to seeing it spelt with an A cz all my friends spell it that way 
sorry
Well, this was a little short, but I agree mostly with what dreaming_mouse has said. It's a little hard to comment on something the size of an average paragraph in a story, but from what I can tell it's a good start and I'd like to see more.
Oh, and dreaming_mouse -
[quote] Johnothan should be Jonathan [quote]
Not so. There are many, many forms of the name. My uncle's is spelt 'Johnathan". And the most common spelling I usually see is 'Jonathon'.
Where's the rest?!
We need more!!!
We need more!!!
I like this but I think you ended it to soon lol, was that intentional or was it all you've gotten done so far?
)
There are a few more mistakes but I won't point them out in case this is annoying you sorry 
just read through it and you'll spot them)
you never read that!) and I don't hate it. So is there more to her hating it like people are cruel to her because she never gets anything or does she just hate it because she's jealous of everyone else?
Okay there were a few spelling mistakes:
Johnothan should be Jonathan
postbox should be post box (or) post-box (I think but then I'm in the UK so it could be different in the USA. Sorry if it is
oppisite should be opposite
propesition should be proposition
and capitalise the D for Valentines Day (I thought since it was only a small bit I'd list the spelling mistakes I'm sorry if that annoys you
Anyway off the spelling lol (I would comment on grammar but mine is attrocious so I wouldn't know what's right or wrong there sorry lol) I think this has a good potentional storyline but I couldn't really feel a connection for the character because I didn't know what she was really feeling. Okay she hates Valentines Day, but why? I never get any cards (
You should show what's she feeling, you tell us she hates Valentines Day but you haven't given her any emotions, it's almost as if she's an emotionless robot. For example:
Show us how she was shocked, what did she do? Did her hands go all shakey? Did she get nervous? If she was holding anything did she drop it? Stuff like that to show the reader that the character does have feelings and what they're feeling at that point.
Go through this again and read it out loud to yourself - there are a few sentences that didn't run as smoothly as the rest of the story for example this bit:
I didn't really understand that bit - it might just be me though
Anyway I hope this helped and I hope you post more because I would love to see what's going on