Hello Willow, back again to review yet another chapter of this novel. I've reviewed chapters one through two, but not the prologue, since it's got a ton of feedback. I wanted to review it nevertheless, but I think everything that I wanted to say has already been said.
But back to this chapter in particular, so far it's got me looking for more, so you did something good and I'm not sure what. But that's why I'm here to point them out, while also giving advice for grammar and other errors, but mostly grammar.
So, without further ado, I'll get started.
First of all, I'd like to complement you for keeping the chapters at a nice and friendly length. Sometimes that can scare away your readers from reading your works, but here, I think you nailed it. I have been procrastinating from reading other works because of that reason, so good job with keeping them nice and short!
As though a giant signal had gone of(,) people appeared simultaneously their timber doors, blinking in the bright sunlight.
^Ahh, commas seems to be my thing, don't they? But I'd also like to point out one seemingly insignificant problem I have with this. The feat this said rooster took was amazing, but also a little unrealistic. Forgive me if I'm wrong, but is one rooster enough to wake up everyone and send them to their doors? I understand that roosters can wake people up, but everyone simultaneously waking up at the same time and going to their doors? I would say some would be more sensitive to the rooster's crowing, so they'd wake up first, but then there would be others that are less sensitive and therefore would wake up a little later than them. Some would get to their doors, yes, but wouldn't others go to their windows instead? Some may not even open anything and instead focus more on getting ready for the day.
Some of the older villagers always bought breakfast at the baker’s house.
^This sentence doesn't seem to be important in any way. It doesn't serve the purpose of explaining the main character, it doesn't describe to the reader the setting, it doesn't do anything at all. And now I don't think it was necessary of me to write this much about it.
I would also like to acknowledge the past comments as well. I agree with hekategirl that it is cliché. Why would she pick on her if she wasn't even involved in there conversation? I'm not sure how realistic that would have been. Other than that, this is a really good chapter.
With caution,
WaterSpout
Points: 10511
Reviews: 83
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