petals & petals & petals & petals

Hi Willard!

Man, I dig this poem. I'm a big fan of nature imagery, especially in poetry, and I love the way you blended those images with images of the body. skin die-dyed yellow and green is my favorite, I think!

My only big critique is that the first stanza feels very different from the rest of the poem. I had a hard time digging into the rhythm of the poem until we hit the second stanza, actually. The rest of the poem feels very linear and sentence-like, which makes it easy to follow. However, the first stanza doesn't do that as well. I think it's in these lines here:

dirt sundresses my thighs
fetal position in a soccer field

Great job! Quiet and powerful.

Wow! Nice

Radrook here to offer feedback in an effort to help others improve their writing ad my own.
Al comments are meant to assist. However, if umbrage is taken with anything I might chance to say, then I offer my sincerest apologies beforehand. That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this very enigmatic but charming poem. It is in a style that I admire very much which is a style that isn't straightforward but which provides the reader the opportunity to reach many conclusions concerning the imagery being employed.

The raisin buried in the ground is personified and allowing it to express itself.
We are told about certain things it remembers. Of course as a reader I couldn't help but consider the possibility that this raisin is actually representing a person who has passed on and was buried. The reference to sleep seems to strongly hint at this. Sleep is used as a symbol of death in the Bible. The phrase falling asleep in death is often used. The ground bear-hugging isn't exactly a friendly gestureand to me insinuates the Grim Reaper.

A horizon is spoken about. I briefly considered that the person involved had been in some plane accident and is describing the last scene that was observed before she or he died-a mountainous horizon. A horizon can also symbolize aspirations for the future which in this case were never reached as death intervened. On the other hand the prancing indicates that this might not be so. One doesn't prance through the skies.

The reference to leapfrogging ad playing might be understood as indicating the buried person's age. Only a child would desire to play leapfrog in a nearby playground. So the idea that the person died as a child seems to be implied. The wish that he could express just how beautiful the living look would fit in nicely from such an interpretation's viewpoint.

suggestion:
Tie-dyed doesn't convey any image and caused me to struggle with it for too long. Maybe a more easily imagined image can be used since this one can only serve to confuse.

you're such a great poet i can't even

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