I challenged Death,
To a duel.
He ended up stabbing me,
As I ended up laying in my blood pool.
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi, J.C. here for a review!
Okay, so super short because I have to go. I thought this was funny, mostly because I loved your Avocado-Free Work Day poem. It touched a soft spot in my heart ;P
In any case, you really shouldn't try to fight with death. I mean, he's kind of hard to kill. It's like sparring with Superman. Or worse...Batman....
It was funny, though, if you look at it from a satirical point of view. You have to feel sorry for the poor guy. He probably didn't know what he was getting into in the first place. Maybe we can convince the government to pass a law that states, "Death must always were a sign which reads, 'I am a dangerous criminal! I will kill you!"
Thank you Strange!
#TheFaultInOurReviews
Hi, GreenTulip here for a review, though I don't know how long it will be with the length of hte poem. Okay first thing's first- it is well written, with jut a few mistakes, (or what I think os as mistakes) that I will point out to you.
Okay, so this is how it's going to be done. I am going to copy and paste your poem here. I am going to put my thoughts in (-), so you will be able to tell the difference.
~This line is short, but ir draws one into the poem itself.
~(Put something here, this line is to blunt).
~(Through the course of the duel,
he turned his sword/dagger at me,
and pierced my flesh).
~(He drew his weapon out as become soaked,
from my pool of blood that I lay in.)
It is good, just a few corrections will make this better.
Hey, I have to say that I think this a very simple, yet cool and unique poem you have written here.
I enjoyed the underlying message of human nature and mortality that laid beneath the shroud of four lines. It is very powerful how you were able to condense such a broad theme into such a simple format. It really speaks a lot about you as a writer that you were able to show the reader your message without drowning them with stanza after stanza of unnecessary words.
I love the way how you say that humans naturally want to fight with Death and are continually struggling with the concept of it. It also shows the irony you used your poem, how the man fought and struggled with death, but ended up dying because he challenged it in the first place. It shows how people are naturally inclined to fight with death, but it is through the way they struggle with it, through either medicines or seeking adrenaline, that ultimately leads to their demise.
All in all, I really enjoyed this poem. As always, keep writing and have a great day!
Hello there Buzz here to review!
I enjoyed reading your poem! It had a great story too.
However, I felt it was unfinished.
"I challenged Death,
To a duel.
He ended up stabbing me,
As I ended up laying in my blood pool."
I liked the opening was attention grabbing and clear, I also liked how "Death" was a person, thus being personified. But, I think you could have developed this personification a bit further, perhaps giving some more characteristics of "Death", as a character and maybe have a fight scene? Showing us in more detail how Death ended up defeating you. Also taking us through the state you were in while laying in your blood pool.
The end holds emotion, in my opinion, you've shown that you are playing the character of "Life" and you're fighting with "Death" and "Death" wins because it's a harsh reality of life that leaves you, " laying in my blood pool."
Overall good work, hope I was of help to you.
-Buzz