Sinking, Sinking, There Goes My Sanity

Hey Mandrake!

I gotta say, I really like how active you have become lately. I love your dark and 'offbeat' style of writing, it's something I don't read too often here.

As for this particular poem, I really like it. It's certainly among your better ones and if you put very little effort into this then I guess it shows how creative you can be when writing about topics you are passionate about and especially when using this dark, cynical tone.

Not the biggest poetry lover, or reviewer for that matter, but I guess I have some things I could comment on.

First off, I suppose this comes down to my own view of poetry, but I don't like the punctuation within most poetry. A lot of the time there seems to be certain rules regarding it, and other times everything gets a pass. As someone with slight OCD, I guess I just like things tidy and structured.

For example:

I sure as hell know,
That how far I go,
Sinking down below,

My sanity will, as implied,

That expresses my sanity.
Filled with mania, depression,
And pure vanity.

One thing that didn't improve,
Is my suntan.

Confusing and questionable,
Mind very dull.

A working pack mule,
That has nothing to haul.

I'm pretty sure this is meaningless,

Oh my...I love this. Sometimes I feel like that can be me on somedays (doesn't know why I'm bringing personal life into this; maybe it's because I can relate) and somtimes I don't want to get out of bed. I know that I haven't had it as others, but sometimes I'm filled with so many depressed thoughts that I wonder about myself sometimes...anyways (was getting off track). I really enjoyed this and despite how you said that you didn't put much effort into it, I still love it regardless. I love this side of literature!

This is a superbly simple and simply superb poem, and your rhymes are not forced at all. The rhythm works well throughout the piece, except in the verse:
"I've gone to hell and back,
Then I went back again.
One thing that didn't improve,
Is my suntan. "
I think that there should be more syllables in the last line. I also think that you should make the verse,
"The only thing that did improve",
as it seems really positive about hell at the moment! Overall this surely is a very nice poem, slightly nonsensical, but I like that!
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!

Hey there. Its CatherinKanya. I was just awestruck when I read the poem. It is just an amazing piece. I love it. I just enjoyed it and don't think I have anything else to say because it was just beautiful and according to me it was flawless.

Insanely ridiculously wonderful~

-S.s

I felt like someone has written my mental state.
Mind full of lies
Confused
Fucked off
Dont know what to do
What's going on
I am a satan
I want to die
I deserve hell
And finally comes out with no solution
I too want to write something like this because i felt like i have lost my sanity most of the times:D
I like it because i find someone disturbing like me

I've never really reviewed poetry before, so there's a slight chance that I'll have no idea what I'm talking about.

What I'm seeing here seems to be the thought process of a person who has turned towards...I wanna say Nihilism, although I'm not too sure if that would be the right word. They have seen it all, and want nothing more from it (I think). It's a bit vague, although a lot of poetry tends to be extremely vague, so I don't think that's too much of a problem.

Some of the rhymes are a bit of a stretch.

So, there's a chance that this review hasn't done much to help, but hopefully there's some value within it.

Hello! I like this piece because of the rawness that is conveyed. I think that I have trouble just throwing my emotions into a piece without censoring them, and you clearly do not which is both brave and admirable.

It also has a very subtle bit of humor which gives it a sarcastic edge which is entertaining.

I think that in all, there are some good ideas. You repeat a lot of words which makes connecting your train of thought a difficult task for the reader. When reading poetry I like to find one line that constitutes the poems emotional core and then cut lines that seem meaningless in relation to that core. "I literally have no sanity" seems to me like a good place to start. When I look at the rest of the poem, I really see no need for the first stanza at all. It says nothing new and is a weak introduction in comparison to the second stanza.

Another thing I like is that this poem seems like it was written by you and not anybody else. However, I think you could take this concept a bit further. There are some really winning lines here but you haven't made personal the reason for your sanity. I am interested in this and incorporating this would make your poem much more distinct.

In conclusion, great poem. The stanzas were very well organized with the appropriate weight given to the last line of each. Once you do more revisions and put effort into fleshing it out, I think this poem could really be something special.

Thanks!