Each day I bury seeds,
Small imperfect capsules
That rest uneasily in the dirt
Encrusting my limbs.
Persistent creatures that they are
They burrow deeply
Drawing life from my veins.
Each night i find evidence
Of new growth.
I am paralyzed,
And in the darkness
Vines contort themselves,
Thigmatropes taking hold
Of any blemish brushed.
And there are so many imperfections,
Shade netting is stretched thin across my face
and every time I try to smile
Another tear erupts,
Exposing unkempt undergrowth.
Time presses heavily on
And I am transformed.
Eyes are woven closed by weeds
And my ears are muffled
With flowers going to seed.
My mouth moves inaudibly
(But listen - rustling leaves)
Gruesome garden that I am
Arbor limbs collapse.
Nothing – especially the growing season –
Is perpetual.
Hollow bark and bony branches
Fall away.
The dormant days of winter,
Are a naked reprieve.
As I rediscover my flesh,
Purging remnants of flora
From deep within my gut
I cannot help but pick out seeds,
Gathering them into neat packets.
Perhaps I will till myself
To dust.
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Hi Wiley! Here's my two cents:
I really really really like this poem. I have struggled with body image issues and an eating disorder as well, so this really speaks to me. So, first and foremost, I want to commend you on opening up to us; I know it's not easy, but you have created something beautiful from the darkness in your mind.
This line is such a strong statement; I love how you're poetically saying that the narrator feels constricted by societal standards, and he/she will go to extreme lengths to rid him/herself of any imperfections. I would recommend using a different word than "thigmatropes," it seems out of place in the poem (a scientific word among strong adjectives).
All I can say about this stanza is wow... it's truly incredible how you keep up the metaphor throughout the poem. Something I especially like about this stanza is the line "Another tear erupts, exposing unkempt undergrowth;" this line exposes so much truth about feeling like one is inferior or imperfect when one shows weakness. Beautiful job.
Here is a nitpicky grammar thing: "from deep within my gut," allows the reader time to pause.
My last piece of advice would be to check over your grammar one last time.
This piece just blew me away. I absolutely love it, and I can't wait to see some more of your work in the future.
- unluminescent
Hey there, Wiley! My name is Strozzie, and here is my review of your piece. I love the extended metaphor that you use to describe your personal struggles, and I think they could speak volumes to the right audience. However, I do have some questions about representation in certain parts. If any of my questions offend you in any way (I hope they don't) or make you uncomfortable to answer, please don't force yourself to tell me those personal answers.
Maybe this is just because of my lack of familiarity with gardening, but what do the seeds represent in this metaphor? I read through most of the poem under the context that it represents food, but when I reached the line about their repackaging, I wasn't so sure. It sounds like chew-and-spit, but frankly, I have no idea at this point. I love the flow of the poem, and would not encourage you to make this more obvious within the piece itself, but if maybe in a comment or even an after-note / author's note, if you are comfortable enough, you could explain the analogy a bit more?
Again, here, I am not quite sure what the netting represents. I have only ever seen netting used to protect my mother's strawberries from deer, so is this meant to represent you protecting yourself from the outside world with a sort of mask? If so, that is a gorgeous analogy. If not, whatever it may be just flew over my head.
Holy moly, this excerpt is absolutely gorgeous! I just wanted to highlight this little bit as a note for myself, in a way. With my own writing, I aspire to use the amount of vivid imagery that you use throughout, particularly here. I swear, this line sent shivers down my arms, it was that chillingly beautiful!
All in all, your writing is fantastic. Aside from a few mis-used punctuation marks, which I can comment about if you wish to correct them, your technique is wonderful and worth being aspired towards. Just remember that you are more than welcome to ignore my recommendations if you are satisfied with your piece as-is. I hope to see more of your work in the Green Room!