Hi Fortis!
So here I am, reviewing months late as usual DD: I am so sorry! But I did want to come back to read Fleta's story because I thought it might be an interesting thing to do. And boy, I am sure glad I did! Because even though I knew this was going to be about Fleta I didn't know it was going to be about her past and I love that! We've met a very different kind of character, but we do know that she used to be like this. It's just intriguing to see it first hand. And I am looking forward to the other bits of the story and maybe seeing her character begin to change along the way. This is also in a very different style from The Wool of the Prince. I actually didn't mind that too much. So this was a short chapter, and I don't have too much to say, so I am going to keep the review short.
You mention that Fleta is slipping down side streets and trying to get lost in the crowds in a market. That is all fine and dandy, but my only issue with that is that I don't feel like there are lots of people there. You have a lot less description here when it comes to setting. And I know this isn't a long story so it is allowed to be a bit sparse, but we do need something to go on. When she mentions running, maybe mention that she is dodging various people, pushing some out of her way and hoping that the man is deterred by them. Maybe she is even sticking her hand in some pockets as she is running away for all I know. But try and make it feel more crowded for the reader to understand it as well.
I’m not too worried about getting away. I am worried about that knife in his hand though.
I think one thing I am wondering at is why no one seems alarmed about this guy running with a knife which could possibly hurt them by accident. I am thinking the general crowd would react to this, and I hope you say as much. Maybe mention people shrieking and jumping out of the man's way or something. Oh, and because they see him chasing her, does anyone help him? Or is this the kind of society where they see this happening but keep to their own business and don't help or whatever? Because if he is shouting thief I know that in some societies everyone would start making a grab for her as well.
The very last thing I am going to mention is the lack of dialogue. We are quickly introduced to Gavin, and I don't mind the fact that we don't get too much description of his appearance because we do get a healthy dose of his personality. But the the thing is that we only here him directly say one line - everything else is indirect speech. I have a bit of a problem with that because so much time passes in this chapter as well, and it leaves us feeling that we don't know anymore about what Gavin is like. I want to have at least one decent length conversation with him in direct speech. It wouldn't lengthen this too much, and while they are in jail it would be a pretty good time to do so.
That's all I really have to say! You've put an interesting spin on things, Fortis, and I am looking forward to whenever I am going to be able to read Part 2!
Deanie x
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