z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Wool of the Prince-- Chapter 60

by Rook


~1,111 words

The next days were filled with a flurry of activity. At first, Jay panicked, thinking of how stressful the previous months had been. However, he soon began to realize that there was a difference between running for your life all the time and planning for weddings: one was supposed to make you scared, and one you were supposed to be happy about. So Jay tried to force himself to be happy. He saw Ato smiling with his young face, and that certainly helped. Being able to spend time with Fleta didn’t hurt either.

Yet Jay was feeling somewhat dissatisfied. All through the wedding procedures, he kept thinking about home, and how the weddings in Trevon were so different from the weddings on Earth. On Trevon, there was no fancy cake, but rather a feast that lasted for a week. That was only because it was a royal wedding. Peasant weddings had almost no ceremony at all: one day you were single, the next you were married. Simple as that.

Even though Jay wasn’t usually one for stuffy events like weddings, he found that some part within him missed the silver wrapping paper, the hokey-pokey, the rice throwing, the attaching cans to the bumper of the couple’s car. He sighed. Fleta—who was sitting next to him—nudged him, nodding. She must have known what he was thinking about. Or maybe she was sympathetic to Jay’s dislike of duck. Duck seemed to be the meat of the week.

Jay pushed roast duck around in the gravy on his plate. Fleta discretely speared it and pulled it onto her own plate. “They sure look happy.” She nodded toward where Ato was telling a story. It probably one of the stories from his quest to find the sheep—that’s all anyone seemed to be asking him to tell about. The Enchantress was beaming up at him like they hadn’t been enemies for years while Ato, then Shep, searched for the Sheep.

“Did you have any idea about… this?” Jay struggled to find a word. He signaled a servant to bring him a refill of the delicious purple fruitwash Ato had recommended personally for Jay, knowing he liked the drink.

“No,” Fleta said, widening her eyes. “I thought the Enchantress was the worst woman I had ever heard of, turning Ato’s family into sheep like that. I had no idea they were actually in love. It must have been really hard for him when she did that. It must be really hard for him now.”

Jay nodded. “I thought the same, though of course I didn’t know that the sheep were his family. Just that they were royalty.”

“I thought he had told me everything when we’d met, but apparently not,” said Fleta.

A servant rang a bell, signaling the next dish to be brought out. Out came a simple garden salad topped with duck chunks. Jay sighed again. It was nice to be treated as an honored guest of royalty, but he wished there was a little less duck involved.

---

After the feasting was over, the castle decorations were put away, and the royal guests from other regions had gone home, Ato and the Enchantress, called Jay into the throne room. They were the crown prince and crown princess: once the King died, they would inherit the title, the crown, and the province. But they were in no rush. Ato had confided in Jay that he was dreading being King. The province really was in shambles.

Jay stepped into the throne room, opulent despite the many years it had been left to rot. Unsure of proper procedure, Jay bowed when he entered the room. Ato chuckled.

“I may be crown prince, but I’m still your friend,” Ato said. “To you, I can always be Shep. An old, doddering man without a title. You’re not even from my province, or world for that matter. You’re under no law to bow to me.”

Jay gratefully stood up. “Why did you call me in?”

“Well,” said Ato, glancing at the Enchantress, who squeezed his hand, “We were thinking you might want to go home.”

Jay’s mouth went dry.

“I know this has always been a hard question for you,” Ato went on, “but if my personal opinion matters here, I think there’s little left for you here, and there’s a lot for you back home.” He crossed his arms and cleared his throat. “And I think you should go,” He ended awkwardly making the statement sound more like a question.

Jay nodded. It was true, he did want to go home, and it was true that there was little left for him here. Other than an entirely unknown world, said the voice in his head, but he quashed it. There was so many things he didn’t know about Earth either. Plus, indoor plumbing. It always comes down to indoor plumbing. He’d miss Fleta and his friends, but only as much as he had missed his mother. “Yes,” he said, nodding again, “I’ll go.”

The Enchantress brightened. “I’ll help you then, Jay.”

“If you’ll excuse me, Jay, I have something to attend to,” said Ato, coming close. “I’d like to give you my final farewell.” They embraced.

“Tell everyone… goodbye from me, and thanks,” Jay managed.

“I will,” Ato said with a wink that was all old shepherd. He exited the room with a swish from his robes.

The Enchantress smiled kindly at him. “I know Attolicus couldn’t have done it without you, and for that I am forever grateful.” She pushed something into his hand.

Jay studied the shiny round object she had given him. It was a golden coin with an unknown man’s profile on the side. It was unlike any of the coinage he had seen so far in Trevon. “I’m honored,” he started slowly, “but I don’t think this will buy me anything on Earth without raising some questions as to where I got it.”

“You’re not going to spend it, silly. You’re going to treasure it. And, if you ever should need to come back to Trevon, it’s a one-way ticket. Turn it thrice in your hand and then whisper ‘Acacia.’ That’s my name.” She smiled again. “I will hear you.”

Jay clutched the coin close. “Acacia. Thank you, Acacia.”

“Are you ready to go now?” she asked. Jay nodded. “Then prepare to step into the World Between Worlds. I’m sending you back to your time, back to your home.”

The Enchantress closed her eyes, and everything around Jay folded into the gray-purple of the World Between Worlds. Jay pushed between the hazy, velvety layers… right into his mother’s arms. 


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Sun Jun 28, 2015 10:27 pm
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Me again.

Now I'm left wondering about Jay and Fleta. Please tell me they like each other. Pleeeassee! I so want them to be together. And the way Jay mentioned at the beginning that he wasn't having that grand of a time, but at at least he got to spend time with Fleta; that melted my heart.

So, something that was bothering me last chapter too, where are Marc and the trolls? They were there at the castle, but now they're not there. Did Shep send them back to their own homes? Or maybe they're still at the castle, just really enjoying the royal lifestyle and keeping to themselves. I'm surprised they haven't at least been mentioned. I want to know where they are and what they're doing. I'm especially curious about Marc because we haven't been seeing him a lot in this grand adventure, just some of the time. I want to see him and Shep reunited now that Shep is prince again.

I cried at the end.

Wait, Jay didn't get to say goodbye to everyone? After all that time he spent there with them and he's gone in a flash. That doesn't really seem like him at all. I'd expect him to at least want to see Fleta one more time before he left. Also, why did Shep leave before Jay did? Since he claims to be his friend, wouldn't he want to be the one to see Jay off? It seems a bit out of character to be honest. Shep has been Jay's side since the absolute beginning, except for during the travel back to Earth obviously. They're so close now. I expected a much more emotional ending.

I do like the ending though, forgetting the part about Jay not saying goodbye. Everything has been solved and the adventures are over. Well, they'll have to wait for the other prince to stop being a horse, but no one seems very worried :3 The story has been slow over the last few chapters and it seemed like you really eased your way into the ending. It works well.

Time to check out the epilogue! The last part of the novel :o Congratulations! It was quite a ride wasn't it?

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Sun Jun 28, 2015 2:35 pm
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Deanie wrote a review...



Hi Fortis! (back to fortis now, no more Widdershins)

Happy review day!

I know, it has been a while since I have been around. And so close to the ending as well DD: Real life is evull and keeps getting in my way DD: But as for the chapter... now that I think about it, I feel a bit sad that he is marrying the Enchantress. Even though there was an age difference before, I always did ship Fleta and Shep. But ah well, not all ships work out the way you want them to. I liked this chapter. As Timmy already said, all the loose ends are really coming together. Jay's left the past world, and I even already know that the next chapter is titled epilogue. So I am curious to know what is going to happen there, now that he has been 'found' once again in the real world. What story might he tell the others and the police? It's so strange to think the novel has come this far...

So Jay tried to force himself to be happy.


I know, but why was he panicking in the first place? Was he worried that it wasn't going to work out? That someone would say something cruel about the Enchantress and she would set off another spell? Or that something simple would go wrong? I want to know what was bothering him. Or maybe he didn't even know himself. And then you mention that he tried to force himself to be happy. I couldn't help but wonder what forcing yourself to be happy included. Was he trying to play more games, spend more time with Fleta or something else? I am curious to know what he sees as happiness and what the palace might have to offer in that department.

He saw Ato smiling with his young face, and that certainly helped.


I just felt like the wording of this sentence was a bit weird. I would've changed it to something like 'He saw a permanent smile on Ato's young face.' or so. This is entirely up to you because it isn't incorrect.

That was only because it was a royal wedding. Peasant weddings had almost no ceremony at all: one day you were single, the next you were married. Simple as that.


The question I had after reading that was how did Jay know this? Jay hasn't seen any other wedding but this royal one, so how does he know what a peasant wedding is like at all. Maybe he will ask someone, but if so, this conversation - although it could be a brief one - is one I wouldn't mind hearing in the story as well.

around in the gravy on his plate. Fleta discretely speared it and pulled it onto her own plate.


Suggestion: cut off the last word of the last sentence. I felt like the close and unnecessary repetition of the word 'plate' didn't really work out here.

What made me sad about this chapter was that Jay never got to say a proper goodbye to Fleta. He sort of just upped and left. But at least when it came to her, we got to have a mention and a conversation with her. The trolls weren't even mentioned in this chapter one last time D: And neither was Marc. If I could have it my way he would've said goodbye to them all, but maybe it is for the best that he didn't. But I would've at least liked to have had a final mention of them having fun and smiling in this chapter, or something.

Jay's mother is going to have a right surprise. As well as her son just popping up into her arms, he literally pops up out of no where. I am intrigued to see how he will get away with this one :D

I'll be reading the final chapter soon!

Deanie x




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Sun Jun 07, 2015 9:04 pm
Lael wrote a review...



Good job with this! You did a very good job with imagery and descriptions.

In this sentence, "The Enchantress was beaming up at him like they hadn’t been enemies for years while Ato, then Shep, searched for the Sheep.", I think that instead of "like", "as if" might sound better.

The only other error I could find was here: "After the feasting was over, the castle decorations were put away, and the royal guests from other regions had gone home, Ato and the Enchantress, called Jay into the throne room." There is an unnecessary comma after "Enchantress".

The only other thing I have to say is this . . . Are you hating on duck (as a food)?




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TimmyJake wrote a review...



HERE I AM

This read like a wrap-up chapter in a big way, all the loose ends finally being tied off - finished completely and sent away into the background so we can focus on the final picture. Jay, of course. I like how that now the quest is over and everything as it should be in Trevon, you brought the focus from all that happens around Jay to a more personal narration, going more into Jay and his feelings and hopes than you did in any other chapter. It was a good place for it, I think. c: It worked well.

Yet Jay was feeling somewhat dissatisfied


For some reason, I was, ah, dissatisfied with this sentence. >> I don't think it summed up what the following paragraphs showed of how he felt. It seems more like a feeling closer to his heart than just being dissatisfied. Plus, that word was in the Giver, and I dun like precise language. xD

duck chunks


Maybe it's just me, but I thought his was a pretty vague description, especially since I had this vision of like steak chunks or something, and that's a bit big for a duck. :p

Plus, indoor plumbing. It always comes down to indoor plumbing.


Now the only complaint I have with this is that I don't understand what you're talking about here. xd

“Tell everyone… goodbye from me, and thanks,” Jay managed.


WHAT?! No goodbye to his good friends? No goodbye to the trolls who'd spent so long with him? No goodbye to Fleta? No smooch? Ah, well, anyway *coughs* But I think you may see what I'm talking about. He's been with these people for months, his life has changed, he's become a different person than when he started - and they're the reason for it. So even if he wasn't going back for a sentimental reason, like to say goodbye to such good friends, he might go to thank them for everything they've done for him. And I think that he would tell them goodbye because, well, he cares about them. And he's never going to see them again, either. So tell me this: if you had some really really really good friends who you'd spent the last few months with, would you go and just tell another friend to tell them goodbye... when it'll be the last time you'll ever talk to them? I don't think so. >>

So now that I've gone through all of these chapters with the young Attocilus and the Enchantress, I have one comment to make on them. They don't seem to fit. And I'm not saying that they're not a cute couple, and they're not a wonderful match, etc. What I'm saying is that I see this new Shep as about 18-20 for some reason (I think the description two chapters ago is to blame), and I see the Enchantress as about 30-ish. It's the image you've given us throughout the book of her age that creates that issue, and while you did say that she "seemed younger" and all, it wasn't enough - not enough of a picture to make us see it. So what I would do is better create the young Shep into the age you want him to be (unless the age I saw him as was what you intended), and perhaps the age of the Enchantress could either be shown more in the chapter where she seems much younger, or she could be a young Enchantress throughout the book? Now keep in mind that this is only my opinion, but if you're concerned about it, maybe you should talk to another great reviewer to see? Talk to Deanie - she's better at that kind of stuff than me. xD

I love the Enchantress' name. SO much <3

So I think that's all I have for you on this. I'll save all my praise and hearfelt congratulations hehe hehe for the epilogue, but sixty chapters is an ahmazing feat - not many writers have done that, you know. :3 So that gives you a couple points higher in my book. And the writing in this chapter, if you were curious at all, is again some of your very best. The part where he was in-between worlds for just a split moment? It was perfect - just long enough so we knew, but not too long. And the hazy, velvety layers reminded me of a fog you could feel. I loved it!
Moving onto the last chapter soon. :3
~Darth Timmyjake




Rook says...


You could pretend that shep is like 22 and the enchantress is like 27 and it would all be fine, eh?
And timmy. Why would you not want to stay in a fantasy world? INDOOR PLUMBING OF COURSE. I personally cannot live without it. It was an attempt at humor ;-;
I thought duck chunks was pretty vivd, personally.
Duck chunks
that doesn't give you a mental picture? you cray cray.

And I just thought... I don't know, goodbyes would be wrapping up too many strings? I'm bad with goodbyes. It's better this way ;-;

Thanks for the review, again. :)



TimmyJake says...


xD The duck chunks were very vivid, but I didn't think they gave me an accurate picture of duck, that's all.
INDOOR PLUMBING.... So you were literally talking about plumbing?
Hmph, fineee. You can have Jay be a meanie. :p



Rook says...


I am always literally talking about plumbing.
This whole book is a metaphor for a toilet, donchaknow?



TimmyJake says...


o.0
Now it all makes sense. >< Ugh, I am spreading the word.
DON'T READ THIS. It's all disturbing.



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