Young Writers Society

I really like this poem! Its short, simple and to-the-point but contains some really good symbols and meaning in it. I really like the whole idea that we are immortalized because of un-moving, immobile tombstones/memorials. Also, I like the contrast between marble tombs and marble bones. In a way it almost seems to me like you're relating the marble memorials we put on our dead to the "marble bones" of not only the dead and buried but also the living. This gives it a little bit of an eerie feeling of impending death.

The only thing I question in this poem is the "remains of war" at the end. I get it that apparently these people died in war but to me it seems a little bit sudden to have these dead people who are buried and then in the last line mention that they died in the war. I mean thinking about it now, its perhaps not a bad thing that that is the only reference to the war because, actually, to me, now that I think of it, it is sort of symbolic. Almost like it didn't really matter how they died, the way which they died was an after-thought to the immortality of their bones and memory. To me this is a pretty prominent idea because we always say "we need to remember those who died fighting for our country" or whatever. But really we don't want to remember them as fighting men/women. We want to remember them for who they were, people just like you and I.

Great poem! Keep writing. I know my review was a bit rant-y but that is just how I work. haha

the poem is touching and focuses on a spiritual theme, however it ends all of a sudden. i would like to really know "is this poem incomplete?"
when i started reading it engrossed me in a theme of how wrong we are to immortalize a person in a heap of marble and not in our hearts. but when i reached to the climax what waas left was only questions.
i suggest you add a few more paragraphs describing your theme, and people don't only die in war. i think you have to concentrate on one theme at a time- false ideals, reference to war, and the shallowness of human immortalization then you may mingle it all and make a great work.
i hope you found my suggestions useful however applying them in your work is your right and choice and i appreciate your writing skill. i would rather like to desperately see some addition to this poem as it is making me quite restless about these unanswered questions.

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would first like to begin on how you grabbed me with the title (to be honest) since it made me wonder, like is this for something to do with a grave or maybe a kitchen counter? Also how you in the beginning you flat out what the titles says; we choose marble for the dead. Maybe so people could relate to this since i would think that some people have been to graveyards and seen the marble graves, where flowers are placed and they walk away with sad or grief.

In every poem that i have seen, would have a few common mistakes in most poems also how some of these poems look amazing with no errors to be seen (half of the poems I wish to write, are maybe filled with these mistakes) anyway i am getting off topic. Since i read throughout this, poem i can tell you straight forward that there is no problems to be seen (since i think in the review below, commented on them.)

To lastly finish, i could sorta relate since i used to go to my grandpa's grave since he fought in WW2 and died there, while saving his country. I would put his favorite flowers by his grave-daises and these other pink flowers- and i stand there and cry. I had missed him so much but he did was right.

Sorry for rambling; it is my way of saying this poem is well-written/should keep writing.

Farewell,
CapitalMonday

Hey dragon!

This was a somber poem. Very thought-provoking. I am reminded for the grave of the unknown soldier, and wonder if that's what inspired this.

As this is a very short poem, every line counts. The first line leads me to think that you might go on to talk about why marble was chosen for the dead/what makes it a good choice for immortalizing them. Even something as simple as saying that it doesn't weather much might fulfill that expectation.

The third line, however, gives me pause. It's basically saying, "we chose to remember those who died." But it's not saying that. It's specifically referring to the memorials. But in my head it's the same thing, because a memorial is something made to remember something else. I'm not sure how to explain my problem with this line. I think it's that the real choice was not to build memorials (or just "memorials" --> there seems to be something grammatically persnickety about that), but rather, we chose to remember the dead, and in so choosing to remember them, we decided to create memorials. Do you see what I mean?
Every line counts, and a weak line weakens the entire poem.
I wonder how "immobilized" fits in. It seems like the option for "mobile dead" would be... ill-conceived. (I'm imagining strapping corpses to a windmill so that they aren't immobile, but still, that's technically still immobile. They'd have to be reanimated to be mobile.)

I like the next two lines a lot. To me, those are what the kicking lines are of your poem. It seems like you're critiquing death with this, and modern-day responses to it.

The final two lines seem rather... vague to me. We finally mention war in the last one, but I don't know what you mean by "marble bones." It makes it sound like marble buildings were destroyed and their bones are what is left of war, but your poem makes me think that that's incorrect. Maybe the gravestone is all that's left of someone after war, because their body was irrecoverable? It's hard to know exactly what you meant. The penultimate line seems just weak. I feel like it doesn't bring anything to the poem, other than a small image of flowers. You can keep it or kick it.

Anyway, I actually really liked this poem. It reminded me of what's important. Thank you for writing it, and keep writing!
Let me know if you have any questions!