Young Writers Society

Hello, lhykv! You have a special username, but that's not our topic at the moment. Our topic is this poem-which I found rather interesting.
This is my take on it:
It starts off with a boy reading through books and poetry and all types of things about warfare. At the end, there is a dead man who we assume is the child, for it says "the same childhood memories." I believe what happened to this boy is he became captured in the world of war. He started to find it rather interesting. Later on in the poem it states "Continues to live admist the flames of war," which I think means he has become a solider, or some military rank. This is also why an AK-47 is mentioned. Of course, the ending is quite clear-he ends up dying, most likely in battle.
Of course, I could be wrong, but that of course is how I decided to decipher it.
I think everyone else has pointed out what was wrong and you have gone back and fixed it all, because I haven't found any errors. I could be wrong, but I don't see anything. I really like this piece, and I'd love to see some more.
~Prez. T

Ok, I'm going to start by saying that I'm not that into poetry and I have always had a hard time understanding it...sooo, this review will probably be short and not very helpful but I'm going to try anyway. So here it goes:

First of all I'd like to point out your word choice. IT'S PERFECT. I can't get over that small fact. You chose perfectly so kudos to you for that. I loved every word you wrote (which is high praise because as I previously said, I don't like poetry).

Secondly I want to say that I could follow this piece of poetry better than any other poetry I've read so once again, great job!

Third, I love the mood you set in this piece it's kind of sad but that just makes it all the more realistic.

Ok, last thing. Loved the Shakespeare reference. Great idea!

Good job and keep up the great work!

Hello!

Okay, so this has a lot of good in it, and, unfortunately, a lot of bad.
But no worries! The bad is easily fixed, and perhaps it was purposeful. Who knows?!

Let's jump straight into it then, aye?
Your most major problem is tense. I have no idea what tense this is in. It kept jumping around, and everything seemed grammatically wrong. It made me want to glaze over every line with a verb in it. Let's assume this is written in past tense because kind of your first line was: "He dared not stand aghast," and that is very past tense. I'm not counting the italics before that, because I assume that that's what he read in his book.
This line:

have he learnt;

if she had survived.

Hey there! CaptainSaltWater here for a review!

I really liked this. Good job. It's very dramatic. In my opinion, you should capitalize and punctuate things closer together so it isn't one big run-on sentence. Here is what I mean.

He dared not stand aghast,

flipping through warfare history

have he learnt


Do this instead.


He dared not stand aghast,

flipping through warfare history.

Have he learnt


It looks so much better. Anyways, good job! Don't give up and always write guys!

-CaptainSaltWater

Happy review day!