Young Writers Society

Hey there! I'll admit to not quite understanding this, but I really like it. Anyway, on to the review.

The first thing I'd recommend is to make and extra space between stanzas, just because when I saw the Roman numeral for the first stanza I thought it was an "I" instead of a Roman numeral.

Overall, this is really good. I'm just going to suggest a couple small revisions. They're just my opinions, though, you don't have to change it if you don't want to.

My eyes are the eyes of the watchman,

My hands are the hands of the dawn.

I was once the peddler on the street

but now I am but the coin.

I was once the pilgrim on the way

but now I am but salvation.

I was once the starved, the starving

but now I am but Bones.

but I will come in costume then;

This is a very interesting poem! I really liked it. I liked the style that you wrote it in and the topic as well. You don't see poems like this very often.

My advice? Keep being unique! You have a very strong voice and developing it would be the best thing to do right now. Good job on your poem. I can't really critique the content considering that I have no experience with the Fishing King at all. So I'm focusing on your form, not the content.

You use a lot of impressive word choice and it's easy to see that you worked very hard on this. Good job. (Sorry this was super short, but I could tell that after I said those few things that I was starting to fluff.)

Rachelle

Hello!

This was... really interesting. It had a sort of haunting quality to it, and reminded me of several things: biblical verses (specifically psalms), riddles, songs in fantasy books, and the example of cuil theory.

Because of this, it sounded really cool. But I had absolutely no idea what it meant. I could see ties back and forth to certain repeated themes, but I never knew what you meant, and by the end of the poem, I was thoroughly bewildered, even if my brain was happy with pretty words and nice images.

... Okay, I just did some research on the fisher king (by which I mean I googled it and read the very short blurb from wikipedia)
A lot of this makes much more sense now, like the thing with the cups/wine, and even the thing with the coin. Now I can see some sense (if not a lot of sense) in stanzas V and VI.

One thing I'm not getting /at all/ is the bones thing. Maybe that's because I'm rather ignorant about the fisher king, and there's some sort of obvious connection that I'm missing, but you should keep in mind that most of your readers will not know this guy.

I love the language and images in this, but I think you should be a little more obvious in explaining some things. It's hard to understand as-is.

Let me know if you have any questions! Keep writing!

this poem is really vivid. but over the top mystery i must say. moreover the size is quite large to attract readers given your hard thoughts and expression. i am a follower of the romantic trio and i love mystery poems but for yous its quite obscure as the real essence is almost always overcast by a frequent change.
i didn't really get the setting and i am bought to ask- from where did you derive the inspiration to write such a poem? what is that you are hinting through it. is that the need of good deed or an eternal shadow that would always supervise the loved one. and why so hard thought when you always return to the graveyard. has life betrayed you.i try to instill some hope through my works, perhaps reading that might give you some hope. the imagery is recommendable but its just the sudden changing of settings that we fail to draw it fully.
all of this , i sincerely admit makes it perfect. i mean it.