Young Writers Society

I love how much emotion has been put into this! It's easy to follow and I feel like this could have an amazing tune to it, though I don't know what tune you place it to. This is amazing though, really. Keep up the amazing work my love!

I love how much emotion has been put into this! It's easy to follow and I feel like this could have an amazing tune to it, though I don't know what tune you place it to. This is amazing though, really. Keep up the amazing work my love!

Wow!

I write songs as well, but I don't think mine are as good as yours. But I'm still inexperienced and young, and don't know what makes a good song.

Anyways this was an amazing song and the lyrics must mean something to you.

Overall, this was great!

xoxo bethany13

Hi there!

Alright, so this made me pretty emotional. I love that chorus. I really wish this was already set to music because I want to hear it.

I will agree with Widdershins that some of the rhymes seem a little forced. There are also a few cliches, but cliches are okay in my book.

Don't worry about changing a thing here. It's all great. Just try to remember that lyrics don't have to rhyme, and keep on pushing through instead of searching for a word that fits the syllable count or rhyme scheme.

None of that probably helped, but I'm still pretty new to trying to give constructive criticism for this sort of thing.

Keep writing!

Hello~

This song felt really sad, but it felt a little vague to me. I suppose this is fine, as lyrics mean different things to everyone, and aren't generally as heavy on the images as poems are, but to be honest, I like lyrics more when they have more meat to them.

Your verses don't seem like they would have the same music set to them, you know what I mean? Like, I can't sing one with the same tune that I sing another one with.

I like the chorus, even if I don't know /what/ is not the same. I think that's kind of important, but at the same time, it works.

Watch out for over-used cliches and forced rhyme. On of my favorite pieces of advice is to tell people to go through and pick out exactly what they were trying to say with their poem/lyrics, then get rid of all the things that don't add to that. A lot of time, people add things to a poem just to get it to rhyme, but they don't actually want to say those things.

Another helpful tip is to read the poem out loud. I don't know if you have music to this, but I'm assuming you don't because the verses are so different. Try attempting to make a tune, and see if you're able to fix some things that way?

I hope this helped! Let me know if you have any questions, and keep writing!

Hi there IceWinifredd!

First of all, well done on writing lyrics - I always think it's so hard! I mean, I don't really do it, probably that's why...

The first thing I realised about this is that the verses are really different. I don't mean words-wise, but like the lengths of the lines, the rhythms, and the lengths of the verses themselves: they don't seem to match up. I know that there are like A, B, C parts to songs which could explain the differences but since you called them all verses, I feel like they should be the same. At the moment it just kind of feels like you wrote something that sounds nice to get it out of your head, but didn't really pay attention to the structure of the song.

Theme-wise, it seems quite sad/pessimistic without a proper hope for the future. However, I like the twist at the end, like "maybe it's not that the world has changed, it's me that has changed".

And lastly, I really like the line "this yesterday is not mine to claim". I'm not really sure what it means, but it sounds beautiful and that's why I like it.

Hopefully this helps at least a little!


Demeter
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