Published February 13, 2008
This came to me in like an hour some week and a half ago. I'm probably not going to tweak it because I'd like to preserve it just as it popped into my head. (I don't really know what category of poetry it goes under if this isn't the one. Maybe dramatic?)
"What Is Love?"
[pre]We speak of love,
To those held dear;
We tell them,
“I really care”;
But they bear witness
To the fact:
Love is nothing,
Unless we act.
Just one has done this,
As we might;
Everyday,
He used no spite;
Searching,
Love turned to light;
Us who could not make it right –
Us who swung the heavy weight –
Saved by the act love:
In obedience to someone above.
When you see me,
Speak to me, hear;
Remember him,
Who gave his all,
That I might love.
So in that name –
That perfect name –
Even though I'm bound
To hurt –
I care for you,
I act for you. . .
I love you.[/pre]
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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128,407 Literary Works • 671,489 Reviews
I loved it boy!
Liked the rhyming my friend and all the nicely written lines there.
Keep up the good work!
shanan-cat!
Hey!
Sorry it took so long to get around to this. But I'm here and critiquing now.
I really liked this piece. The topic of love, not so much, but the structure and words were good.
This poem was very powerful, and I'd love to see moe poetry of yours.
I very much agree with writeholic...it does somewhat make you think of Christ and what he did for us......i really loves this poem...hey i didnt know you wrote them either...but very great job
keep writing!
XD,
Wolfeyes
Great poem... I love people to comment on what my own poems make me think of, the part where he died for me, he loves me, etc. I happen to be Christian, so when I read that line it made me think of Christ. I love the imagery that you've used, and definitely don't change it if you don't want to-- whats most important is what you think about it.
It was a really interesting poem I really like it. Normally I don't read these types of poems but it has a powerful stand point. My only small suggestion is, when your rhyming be sure to rhyme through the whole thing or not at all, it confuses some readers when their reading along. But other than that it flows well and sounds great!
Keep Writing XD
Hey Isaac!
) Perhaps use examples from your lifetime to illustrate how much He means to you, to all the world. I know you're a good writer, so I'd love to see this again if you want to pursue it to publication. If you're not, then you can take my suggestions with a grain of salt, and rework it for your own pleasure.
What a neat poem! I know you don't want to change this, and you don't have to, but I just wanted to remark on a few things.
I really liked the first stanza; you're right, love means nothing unless we act. Actions definitely speak louder than words!
The second stanza got kind of muddled, though. I think it was your awkward structuring of "Us who (etc.)" in a few of the lines. If you change it to "we" I think it would flow better.
Like I said, I did like this poem, and it was a nice praise of the Creator, but I think you could go even deeper. You seem to just be stating the obvoius: He died for us, He loves us, blah blah blah. Show me. Make me care. (I already do, but for the sake of literacy.
Have a great one, and h-h-h-h-happy V-Day!!! *le hearts*
Ms. Wiggy
P.S. It might help if you format it regularly on here, cause it's a lot easier to read. I liked the drifting words, but just a thought.
Wow, this is touching. Really loved this 1!!
You turned a common idea into a very well structured original poem!!
Well done.
Dofs....