Young Writers Society

I thought it was good. I have a few nitpicks such as using both an ampersand symbol and the word "and" as well as a few grammatical and punctuation errors. Aside from these I thought it showed a good amount of passion and humility and overall clearly described the ideal image that you have created.

I really thought this was good I'm in 6th grade but still i really like it.

This is deep. It really gives you something to think about. I think that all authors want to give their readers something to think about and you nailed it! This is a really good piece of work. I think everyone should read it. The only thing I would change is your grammar. Like Autumns wrote below. I hope you keep writing!

This is deep. It really gives you something to think about. I think that all authors want to give their readers something to think about and you nailed it! This is a really good piece of work. I think everyone should read it. The only thing I would change is your grammar. Like Autumns wrote below. I hope you keep writing!

Hi there Whatabook. Autumns here with my review:

Have you read Where the Mind is Without Fear by Tagore? If not, you should read it, it is based on similar theme and if you want to edit this poem, you must try reading it for some extra inspiration (which always helps).

Let me begin with an overview and then present some of my suggestions about the poem and a bunch of nitpicks that I would like to make and some grammatical errors that I would like to point out.

Let's delve in, shall we? Okay then-

The poem talks about themes like diversity, freedom, peace and also touches upon quite a few others. There is the humility of a prayer in your poem, with minimal flag-waving that's often found in poems that revolve around the theme of nationalism and patriotism. So, that said, I like the tone.

Now moving to the content- it could use some work. Notice the corrections I've made in strikeout and bold letters:

This is the India Of of my dream,
Which is clean,
Which have has the best schools,
Where Hindus,Muslims,Sikhs,Christians
Live without riots, *how about a simple 'live together'?, it sounds better to me*
& have the best peace *'best peace' isn't a proper expression, how about 'live in peace'?*
WhenWhere there is no garbage is on the road, *we are talking about a place, not an instance of time, so stick with 'where' instead of when*
WhenWhere there is no smoke is in the air,
And there are the best people I hear.
There must be is no war going on,
There must be no deaths on the edge. *the 'edge' is clearly a reference to the border, demystify it, use the word 'border'*
Let the Ganges become pure again,
And Delhi, Mumbai, Kolkata, Chennai
are not the only metro cities, *the poem is losing it's 'prayer' characteristic here, no one prays to God for metro cities, well, I don't*
and the bullet train is also there.
It is very colourful again,
and becomes the star of every country. *confusing expression here*
The best in Sports,
The best in Movies,
The best of government *again, the 'prayer' characteristic is weakening*
And the best of thing.
There is no terrorism,
in the country,
There will be no 26/11
Ever after
I wish every one have the attitude of Gandhi,
and it will be in freedom forever.
I wish India was like that,
I wish I was born in that India. *It's okay, but could use stronger expressions, present Gandhi's character in a way that touches the reader, 'attitude' is rather a crude word to use here*

Greetings whatabook! Holographic Ladybug here to review your poem!

~Nit-Picks~

Where Hindu,Muslim,Sikh,Christian

& have the best peace

Hey there,

I guess I've got the same dream as yours... the INDIA of my dream is also just the same as yours ... a CLEAN india ... a GREEN india ... a INDIA without RELIGIOUS TRIOTS ... I wish india was like that... but its not ... and whose fault it is ??? mine? yours? others our age? well the answer is a big YES !!! we people of INDIA are the only reason for india being the way it is... it was not goddamned... we damned it ... and hell with those who claim they play no role in ruining INDIA ... india was once called the GOLDEN BIRD but what will we call it now a RAVEN? hell it is not fair that we people never got a chance to see india the original one... god, i so badly wish i could see it ... anyway what has happened cannot be changed and what can be changed is the future and i hope i will see a CLEAN and GREEN inda then....

Enough of my babbling... Your poem is pretty good and I guess you did a fair job to potrays the dream of indians - especially me - there are some rhyming problems but that dosen't matter with me atall ... the sentiment behind your poem is that actually matters and it is amazing !!!