Prologue
Ten year old Marshall Tucker was on his way home after being at his friends house all day. As he peddled up on his bike he has ready to get out of his wet cloths, since it had raining all day. He slowed as he reached his house seeing the red and blue flashing lights and the yellow crime tape across the front door. He couldn't quit place what was going on.
“ The storm was perfect up. Everyone was too busy worrying about the hurricane to worry about any murders.” he heard someone say.
“Are you Marshall Tucker.” A young looking cop asked in a kind voice.
He didn't know what to say so he just nodded his head slowly,
“Is mommy and daddy okay?” he asked in a whisper.
The police man sighed, “ No I'm afraid not. Your mom and dad died Marshall.”
“No.” Marshall said.
“Yes I'm afraid so.” the officer said.
“No.” Marshall said in a stronger voice. “ No! Your lying. Mom and dad are fine.” He pulled away from the officer and started to run. A strong hand grabbed the back of his shirt to hold him back.
“It will be okay son, but you have to come with me.”
Chapter 1 Rose
It was a warm summer night when Rosemary Johnson got a call that woke her from her slumber. The phone rang three time and the answering machine almost picked it up when she found her cell phone on the night stand.
“Hello.” she answered groggily.
“Is this Rose Johnson?” A male voice asked.
“Yes, is there something I can help you with?” she asked glancing at the clock and wondering who would be calling at 2:30 in the morning.
“Yes this is Dr. Landen from the hospital in Daytona Beach Florida. I'm sorry to call so early but your mother wanted me to call.”
“Oh my God is she okay?” Rose panicked.
“Rose what's wrong? Who is it?” Johnny asked sitting up and putting his arm around her. She raised her hand to silence him when Dr. Landen replied,
“Your mother checked in here a week ago. It turned out to be to be nothing but just a cold, but the cold turned into a severe case of pneumonia.” he explained. “ We had been treating her with the best medicine to help but her body seems to be rejecting the medicine which is common in patents that are older.”
At first Rose was speechless. She couldn't grasp what Dr. Landen was saying. So her mother was okay? Was she going to die? What was happening here?
“Miss. Johnson? Are you there?” Dr. Landen's comforting voice rang back in her ear.
With a small voice she answered,
“Yes, I'm here. Dr. Landen, I'm a little slow this morning, but what exactly are you saying?”
“Miss. Johnson, If your mothers body is rejecting the medicine it could spread and take her life. I think it would be best if you came here right away”
“Oh, does she know?” Rose asked trying to take it all in.
“Yes that's why she wanted me to call.”
“Thank you doctor I'll be there tomorrow at the latest.”
“Okay bye.” Dr. Landen said.
“Bye.” she said barely managing to hand up the phone when the tears started to roll down her face.
“Baby what's wrong?” Johnny asked pulling her to him.
“It's my mom. She's..... She's dying.” rose barley made out.
“Oh homey I'm so sorry.” Johnny said trying to comfort her.
She quickly threw back the blanket and got out of bed. Johnny followed her as she walked over and pulled the brown leather suitcase out of the closet.
She climbed down the stairs, suitcase and truck keys in her hand. Johnny followed at her heels reading off her check list of things.
Johnny wheeled her around so she had to look into his piercing blue eyes.
“Sweet heart, are you sure you don't want me to come with you?”
Rose looked into Johnny's eyes and replied,” I'm sure Johnny. This is something I have to do by myself.”
Johnny pulled her into a tight hug and whispered into her hair, “Call me as soon as you get there, and anytime you need me. Night or day call me.”
“I will Johnny. I promise.” She said into his shoulder.
He grabbed her hand and they walked out the door. They embraced for a moment longer only to be apart when Johnny let go to lean down and kiss her. She ran her fingers threw his dirty Blonde hair before she climbed in her truck. When she turned it on a Kenny Chesney song blared on the radio. She turned it down, waved to Johnny then slowly pulled out of the driveway. She glanced at Johnny standing there at the front door, his flat chest gleaming as the sun started to rise. She waved and caught him wave back before he faded from her rear view mirror.
Chapter 2 Johnny
The house was all but noisy as the night faded and morning came. Johnny couldn't sleep after Rose left. She had called a few times, one when her mom died and a few more just to talk.
Rose hadn't called in a couple or weeks so when Johnny's phone rang and the caller ID showed it was her he wasn't' sure what to think.
“Hello.” he said.
“Hey Johnny.” her sweet voice rang in his ear.
“Hi Rose. Hows it going? I got a little worried when you didn't call.” Johnny prattled on.
“Yeah Johnny...” rose tried t say but was cut off when Johnny started talking again.
“Yeah I was thinking about calling you when the phone rang and it was you. So rose--”
“Johnny, please could you listen to me for a second.
Johnny was a little stunned about how sharp her voice sounded.
“Okay baby, shoot, what's on your mind?”
Rose sighed, “ Johnny, I have something to tell you. But I don't know how to say it.”
Johnny was becoming a little panicked about the way this conversation was going, but he kept his voice steady.
“Rose what do mean?”
“Well Mitchell got me a part time job as a --”
“Wait who is Mitchell?” He asked hoping it wasn't what he thought it was.
“Mitchel is a friend of my parents. I've know him forever. When my mom died he showed me around town. He got me a job as a part time model and I'm putting in my applications at other places.” Rose explained.
“What are you saying?” Johnny asked again.
“I'm not coming home Johnny.”
There was silence on both ends of line. Neither Johnny nor Rose knew what to say to each other.
“What--- What do mean your not coming home?” Panic now rose in his voice.
Rose tried to explain in a slow steady voice,
“I can't go back Johnny. My mother is dead, and so is my dad. I feel like I need to be here. And I can't really go back I have a job here.”
Instead of panic in his voice, anger replaced it.
“Wait your leaving me for Mitchell?”
“Johnny you know I would never-- Johnny how could you think---”
“Well what do you expect me to think. You call me after not calling me for at least a week. And all you can say is some guy you've know forever got you a modeling job and your not coming home. Tell me Rose what am I supposed to believe.”
“Your supposed to believe me, when I say there's nothing going on with me and Mitchell,and your supposed to be happy for me getting a modeling job.” Rose shot back at him.
“Rose I always knew you were pretty enough to get a modeling job but why can't you come home and get one here?”
“Come on Johnny, you know there's nothing like that in Amarillo Texas, and I like it here Johnny.”
As she said that Johnny began to get frustrated.
“What happened Rose? You use to be happy here with me then you go to be with your mom and Mitchell and now you've changed.”
“this has nothing to do with Mitchell and I haven't changed! God Johnny what's wrong with you,l thought you'd be happy for me.”
“Happy for you? What is there to be happy for? Your modeling job? Yeah Rose I'm happy for you I really am. But Rose do you expect me to be happy for you not coming back?”
“Johnny---” rose started but Johnny cut her off still frustrated.
“No Rose, I'm sorry I want you to come home.”
“I'm sorry, but I'm staying. God Johnny I don't need this right now. It your going to be like that and so untrusting then we have no business together.”Rose shouted.
“Fine!” he snapped, “ then I hope you enjoy your life in Florida.”
And with that Johnny slammed the phone on the hook and stormed out of the house.
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Hi wastedfantasy. I am finally here. So here are the nit-picks.
You are going somewhere wrong here. I couldn't understand the sentence but it surely seems wrongly constructed. Take a look.
If it's a continuation then don't leave so much space after the comma in first line's end.
okay make this line seem real and emotional. The police officer is saying a truth to Marshall which is going to devastate him so show that the cop is feeling some pain and he shouldn't get on to the truth so quickly.
he's very much astonished so use some other way in the place of said.
I really loved the story and would definitely love to read more. I liked the way you narrated everything.
Now to the problems.
1. You just forget punctuation. At places you didn't put capital r(R) fore Rose's name and then at others you didn't put full-stops or commas. It was a very hard read, i am sorry to say.
2. You just seem to be rushing with the dialogues. Just slow down with them. There's no fire.
Just fix those things and this would be a beautiful story. PM me when you come up with more. Had fun reading it!
Hey Wasted Fantasy! I shall be reviewing you again! Hurrah!
Once again another solid piece. You made me feel pain for Johnny and his life of lovelessness. (yup, it's a word.) You made me want to know what would happen to the characters, and that is a very good thing to accomplish.
There were grammatical mistakes, but with most first drafts there are. When you are saying "you're", as in "you are", spell it so it is obvious that it is a conjunction. If it is spelled, "your", it is just a possessive thing. When Johnny first picks up the phone and realizes it is is long lost girlfriend, try to make his tone sound more panicked. Obviously he is really not into the whole, "girlfriend abandoning me for a better job" thing.
Over all, good job once again. Please work on this and let me know when you post new chapters. I liked the characters and plot, and I see that this is going somewhere. Good job.
hey...it's writingbakery22... you looked at my story so now i am looking at yours.
this is a good/sad story just like mine did to your this really pulled me in.
i really can't wait till more... just to let you know i am making another story wot the tree in ungit