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Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Leaf Dew Park

by WarmEyesMeltSnow


The first time I looked at the "The Leaf Dew", I was thoroughly blown away. When my art teacher suggested I should visit the park for inspiration, I thought it would be an outside cafe, in a rather overgrown garden. And my best hopes at the time were I would be able to possibly sketch some rouge ivy or half a belittled daisy. But as soon as I arrived I was terrifically mistaken. The cab dropped me off on the corner of Eldem Street ( a rather horrific stump of over occupied council flats, with dirty children running amok in the street) telling this was the closest he could get with the vehicle. I looked out of the window into the street catastrophe, and sighed. I payed the cabbie and watched as it zoomed away in a blur of yellow and black. It reminded me painfully of a bubble bee in the summer. Then the cold bitter winter shot a breese up my skirt as if a reminder that it was the season of cold. I sighed once more from plain aggravation and buttoned the remaining buttons if my overcoat. The cold winter morning made me shiver again as I slowly started walking down the badly maintained Cobble alley.

All the children stood and stared at my neatly ironed white and black finery, as I slowly walked up the street. It made me want to huddle inside my warm coat,wish for a mystical creature to take pity on me, and whisk me back to bed. But I soon talked myself out of that. I was far to old for such childish foolery even though sometimes I dearly wished I wasn't. So instead I strode tall like father did and positioned my face into a superior like look. It seemed to work well and the local children no longer looked at me with the filthy discuss they had previously. I was soon striding down the street like the was the best person to have stepped along these cracked stones, and gently nodded my head to the mothers hanging washing or the odd milkman and his cart.

After 10 minutes or so of this, the ugly damp street started to slowly widen into a sand coloured path, the dirty council flats replaced by oddly maintained forest land. The dirty city air was a ripe country smell and my superior look quickly changed into a widened smile. After a few minutes I was face to face with a grand black gate, stretching as far as I could see and as tall as nearly three fully grown men. Two finely dressed guards stood on ether side. I hesitated for a while and then wandered over to the one who looked the nicest.

" Hello?" I whispered anxiously to the tall guard. " I am here to visit 'The Leaf DewPark' would you mind directing me to the closest entry?" I thought this a rather grown up question and not funny at all but the guard smiled kindly at me.

" This is 'The Leaf Dew' Miss." He admitted proudly.

" Oh!" I gaped in astonishment.

" Do you have your card with you Miss?"

" Oh yes," I remembered "I have it here somewhere." I immediately started rustling though my carpet bag I brought with me. After a few seconds I found the brightly coloured card Miss Doorely had given me and handed it to the guard hopefully. He looked at it for a second, and then smiled again.

"Enjoy your day Miss!" He added brightly as he signalled for the other guard to open the grand gates. He handed the card back to me and urged me on to walk through. I did as he wished and that was the moment I thought I saw a magic park.

I suddenly found myself on a intricately designed stone path with curly sketches of flowers and bright Suns engraved into the stones. Purple, red, blue and gold flowers where lined directly on the sides of the path pointing towards the warming day and Behind them were English Elm trees covered ivy in neat rows of three. At the end of the path was a fountain spouting turquoise water that cascaded out of 3 round marble bowls to the bottom pool which was scattered with wish penny's. I ran up to it scooped up a handful of the beautiful liquid. I watched as it threaded through the holes in my fingers until I only had a dribble left on my hands. Then I caught a glimpse of a glass house in the corner of my eye. I turned my head and there was the prettiest thing I had ever seen.

The greenhouse was completely glass except for the curved oak door with a golden lion knocker. The door was surrounded by peach coloured bricks with gold ivy lining the sides leading up to a magnificent golden flower with a jade middle. I stared at it in amazement, a rich smell of melted milk chocolate and french toast streaming though a tiny crack under the door. I breathed it in slowly. My stomach started to gurgle so loudly I practically ran to the curved entrance. Just as I was about to knock on the gold lion knocker the door opened and a waiter with a tea towel thrown across his shoulder stood on the threshold.

" Oh my! You are keen," He exclaimed "We don't usually have customers waiting outside our doorstep at 8:00 am in the morning. Are you lost young girl?"

"Oh, I am terribly sorry sir. I didn't mean to bother you. I was just wondering what that wonderful smell is?"

" That's breakfast dear, for any willing customer!"

" This is a café?" I asked idiotically.

" Yes dear." He smiled " 'The Leaf Dew Café' "

" May I come in? I am ever so hungry and I have money to pay for your confectionary!" I brought out my flower embroidered purse father brought me back from France and gangled the coins inside.

" I'm only meant to let customers in at half past, but since your so keen I'm sure we can be ready for you early just this once."

" Oh thank you ever so much." The waiter opened the door wider and lead me through the waiting room into the café. The café was just as magnificent as The rich smell. A gold and silver chandelier hung from the glass roof and the floor was an Egyptian dark red and gold carpet. 10 circular tables with white tablecloths and red roses in silver vases were scattered around the room and in each corner was a silver birch tree decorated with gold and silver bauble type things.

The waiter sat me down at a table in the corner with a view of the beautiful fountain and took my order. I ordered french toast with bacon and eggs and freshly squeezed orange juice and a hot chocolate for after. The waiter took my order to the peach brick kitchen and was out of sight.

Half and hour later he came out with a giant golden dish full of my order. I ate most of the wonderful food in a terrible fluster and even packed my french toast in a napkin for later to spare my stomach.

By 9:15 the entire café was full to the brim so I decided to pay and thank the waiter for his kindness.

I wandered back out of the curved door into the park again and found a small path I could follow. It was sand coloured stone like the one leading to the park but completely surrounded by Elms and silver birches and various other trees. After fifteen minutes or so the path stopped near lake at a grassy patch where I decided was perfect for my art project. I took out my watercolored paints and brushes, set up my isle and got to work. I decided to paint the lake and the bright spring sun reflecting in the water.

By the time I was done it was around 1:30pm and I ate my delicious french toast for lunch. I was so pleased with my work I had no idea how tired it had made me and as soon as I knew it I was deep sleep. At that moment knew I would visit 'The Leaf Dew Park' again very soon.


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44 Reviews


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Sun Nov 29, 2015 5:47 am
Duncan wrote a review...



Hi! Welcome to YWS! :) Let's look at your work, shall we?

So the first thing that comes to my mind is the fact that you have used long paragraphs. I suggest breaking some of the longer ones (the first, for example) into two or three parts. That just help readers to read with greater ease. By the way, I like how you use separate paragraphs for dialogues. This is a good practice. Well done for that!

The first time I looked at the "The Leaf Dew", I was thoroughly blown away. When my art teacher suggested I should visit the park for inspiration, I thought it would be an outside cafe, in a rather overgrown garden. And my best hopes at the time were I would be able to possibly sketch some rouge ivy or half a belittled daisy. But as soon as I arrived I was terrifically mistaken.


I think this whole part should not act as the beginning of your short story, because it simply gives too much away. This just eliminates the surprise factor and contrast you used later in the story. So I would suggest eliminating that last sentence, and put the rest of the background information bit by bit later in your story as it flows (for example as the narrator's thoughts as the narrator walks on the street).

There' basically very few grammatical mistakes in your whole piece, but I still suggest you to read the story aloud to catch any. That would be able to help you correct the one's you overlooked as you write.

I thought this a rather grown up question and not funny at all but the guard smiled kindly at me.


This is rather...awkward here because this two clauses do not fit well together in context. A kind smile does not really imply a sense of sarcastically laughing in my mind. Maybe you could edit that.

I love your descriptions throughout the whole piece, and keep that up!

A major point I have to make here is your plot and your content. As you write about the narrator's experience in a park you have made use of excellent imagery and descriptions, but really there is not enough emotions or plot for it to act as a complete story.

How does the park contrasts with the street? How does it affect the narrator? You have explored the surface, but you could always dig deeper to find out more about your characters and adding to them a depth that readers are always willing to read about. You may also want to talk about how the kindness of the guards and the waiters affect the narrator's understanding of the park.

You could even explore the true intention of the teacher, telling the narrator to visit this park. Does the teacher want the narrator to understand anything else besides simply completing an art project? Does the narrator truly understand more about the nature of art after this journey?

So you see there are many possibilities behind a single event, and it is the writers' who can delve into them one by one. How you wish to add depth to a story is your choice, and I think it would add more substance to your story, now already an enjoyable read with excellent descriptions.

That's all for now. Enjoy your day! :)
-Duncan




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44 Reviews


Points: 3764
Reviews: 44

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Sun Nov 29, 2015 5:13 am
Duncan says...



This is my fault. I am so sorry about this.




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Mon Nov 02, 2015 10:36 am
Grace17 wrote a review...



Your descriptive language is fantastic! You paint such a vivid picture of the scene, its beautifully poetic, but you only set up the scene of the writing, there is no real context, and nothing to explain the connection between gritty streets and beautiful park. As an abstract piece of writing though this is great.





These were autumn mornings, the time of year when kings of old went forth to conquest; and I, never stirring from my little corner in Calcutta, would let my mind wander over the whole world.
— Rabindranath Tagore, The Cabuliwallah