F The World

I like it... it's different from what I've seen on here. Good job The first line was great!

Well..I must disagree with the people that didnt like this song because of the use of the "F" word...I mean sure its not a bright word, but seriously this isnt the elementary school.

The song was okay...It had a positive message (love exists in everyone & we must accept others) but in the same time it contained a negative one too because the main character in the song thinks its bad to hate other people yet he hates many people himself. I find it very annoying when the singer is being a hypocrite.

Also please take away the word yak. It seems forced.

Other wise I enjoyed the beat in the song, I liked the rhyming (just dont force it all the time)

I agree with Razcood...I think that's the person's name. If you don't want to say the F word then don't put "F The world" that part of the song was really stupid and came off being very annoying. Then again the whole song was a bit annoying..lol. Sorry that's just how I felt. Keep writing though

I like it other than the starting. it's a little odd. this is only my honest opinion. but I like the rest.

[VERSE 1]

I don’t like people,

That’s just a fact.

So you must be an alien,

Or maybe just a yak. The rhyming seems forced here. Try to think of a better line to replace that one.

Because you’re not like the others,

Which is why I seem to care,

About your, well, feelings. Add a period there.

How no one treats you fair.



And you start crying alone,

Got kicked out of your own home.

You think you have no place in this world,

But let me in, This should be a semicolon. I’ll let you see

How it is to be, No comma there. me.


[VERSE 2]

You finally smile,

While we’re walking in the hall

Perhaps who you love,

Isn’t wrong after all.

But their faces tell you otherwise,

With the look of disgust

Come on, just remember

Not everybody hates people like us. Add a period there.



And you’re crying there alone,

Friends betray, true colors shown.

You think you have no place in this world,

But let me in, Semicolon. I’ll let you see

How it is to be, No comma. me.


[Bridge]

The world’s I think this would sound better as "world is". one screwed up place,

War and death commonplace, I think you could find a better line here. Besides, "commonplace" isn't so much as rhyme with "place" as a word with place on the end, making it sound as though you rhymed a word with the same word.

Let’s give up the hopeless fight... (fight) (fight) (fight)


[Chorus]

And I’ll say! (F the world, F the world, If they say you’re not beautiful.) Add a period there.

And I’ll say! (Screw the world, screw the world, If they hit you while you’re down.) There too.

And I’ll say, y-eah, y-eah, yeah…

We could run away from it-

Tonight, tonight, tonight, to-night. To...night. This is VERY repetitive. Maybe it works with the song, but it seems like it would get on peoples' nerves. (Like Justin Bieber! Baaaby, baaaby, baaaby, NOOOO...Yeah, he sucks.)

I don't think saying F the world is appropriate EVER. That's extremely rude. There are many other ways to express how you feel without using derogatory language. Those who are able to control their emotions both in their actions and writings show they are mature. Bridle your tongue.

Oh I forgot to say the one thing I didn't like was the use of the word yak... maybe you could find a better rhyme for fact?

Hey!
I really like it!! I really like the chorus

Wariofart wrote:Come on, just remember
Not everybody hates people like us