Published January 24, 2017
Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
suck my dick coz i got them moves
dem grooves, like who the hell i used to do
or poo on your favourite shoe for cues
pool tables up in this bomba clot rocket noose
fuck you! be my slave and not a knave
a king and a queen enslaved by purple haze
that's not my bag nor my fetish for quenching moths
ensnared by courtney love's bizarre kitchen cloths
blood clot rocket top, bottle top, molotov, bubbahotep job
noses to cut bubba and zeyda, a saviour for corns on cobs
joe blogs will blog about my kelloggs
clever clogs! destroyed by my jog
into the sunset like the shining in my eyes
i be the one to set fire to your pyre, in a fit of giggling pies
eyes on the prize and on your thighs
i tell no lies, well, maybe that one was a bit of a lie
forgive me but don't forget me, i'll hack you into a jpeg
pull you down a peg or two into a keg in kex and a regular smeg
for meg i invest smegma into your orifice waffle
blue waffle cafuffle in a bottle, genies suck my hassle doffle
duffle coats for aunties spraying their semen dreaming
appearing so beering, a keg of fear to calm the nerves of seamen
trouser suits get the boot, purple shirts up your poop shirt
w wombat your expectations by being so courteous to your avert
divert attention to the seagulls of yesterday with overdrawn credit cards
that's fucking stupid, the work of a thousand and one retards
i'll body slam you like the wwf, pandas wrestling in the twilight
bullshit, mr cullen, it's all just twishite
essential crux of the zero fucks i give about your life
you're puss to me, just another zit on my piles-infested wife
so eat your words you absurd lemon curd without any constructive bunting
my parties are your downfall and you're grappling your cunting
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,124 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Since I know that probably nobody else wants to review this, let's jump right into it.
You know how I stand for the most part on your rapping, and this is no exception in the fact that I still think you can get the same point across without being so vulgar. I would actually like to see a rap where you don't have to curse or use something that happens to be inappropriate to get your same point across, just for the fact of it being seemingly difficult for you. This seems to be just another freestyle that doesn't really have a message or structure, though it's literally called 'A Message to You'.
The title is actually something that interests me because it doesn't really make all that much sense compared to the rest of the piece. We as the readers don't really know who 'you' happens to be. Your rhymes themselves are fine and they work well with each other but at the same time I would like to see more of a structure with them rather than you rhyming in any place you can.
Freestyle can often get old over time and it's something that eventually becomes lacking. Play around with how you rhyme and how often you happen to rhyme. At points in here you rhyme multiple times in one line and in other lines you only rhyme at the end. I want to see something more consistent. Overall, I want to see something that has a stronger message and more meaning behind it rather than you throwing out diss lines that don't have much substance to them.
I hope I helped and have a great day.
HEELLO WWombat,
A poem to an ex maybe? Whoever it is, they sound pretty worked up. I like how your poem actually rhymes. I've read a lot of poems so far and only a few actually use rhyming- most are detached phrases. The rhyming puts a kind of rhythm to the poem. This poem in particular seems like a rap. Is it???
There are some strong words in here- lots of strong words. But still beautifully written in its own dark way. Seems like you seriously want payback- "poo on your favorite shoes".
Again, this poem would make a nice rap. Some of the content would be rated for older ages though.
Keep rapping,
Night Kaizer
I like how utterly r******* it is. //And c***.
lol.