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18+ Language Mature Content

A Message to You

by WWombat

Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.

suck my dick cozĀ i got them moves

dem grooves, like who the hell i used to do

or poo on your favourite shoe for cues

pool tables up in this bomba clot rocket noose

fuck you! be my slave and not a knave

a king and a queen enslaved by purple haze

that's not my bag nor my fetish for quenching moths

ensnared by courtney love's bizarre kitchen cloths

blood clot rocket top, bottle top, molotov, bubbahotep job

noses to cut bubba and zeyda, a saviour for corns on cobs

joe blogs will blog about my kelloggs

clever clogs! destroyed by my jog

into the sunset like the shining in my eyes

i be the one to set fire to your pyre, in a fit of giggling pies

eyes on the prize and on your thighs

i tell no lies, well, maybe that one was a bit of a lie

forgive me but don't forget me, i'll hack you into a jpeg

pull you down a peg or two into a keg in kex and a regular smeg

for meg i invest smegma into your orifice waffle

blue waffle cafuffle in a bottle, genies suck my hassle doffle

duffle coats for aunties spraying their semen dreaming

appearing so beering, a keg of fear to calm the nerves of seamen

trouser suits get the boot, purple shirts up your poop shirt

w wombat your expectations by being so courteous to your avert

divert attention to the seagulls of yesterday with overdrawn credit cards

that's fucking stupid, the work of a thousand and one retards

i'll body slam you like the wwf, pandas wrestling in the twilight

bullshit, mr cullen, it's all just twishite

essential crux of the zero fucks i give about your life

you're puss to me, just another zit on my piles-infested wife

so eat your words you absurd lemon curd without any constructive bunting

my parties are your downfall and you're grappling your cunting

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User avatar
1080 Reviews

Points: 125
Reviews: 1080

Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:34 am
Kaylaa wrote a review...

Since I know that probably nobody else wants to review this, let's jump right into it.

You know how I stand for the most part on your rapping, and this is no exception in the fact that I still think you can get the same point across without being so vulgar. I would actually like to see a rap where you don't have to curse or use something that happens to be inappropriate to get your same point across, just for the fact of it being seemingly difficult for you. This seems to be just another freestyle that doesn't really have a message or structure, though it's literally called 'A Message to You'.

The title is actually something that interests me because it doesn't really make all that much sense compared to the rest of the piece. We as the readers don't really know who 'you' happens to be. Your rhymes themselves are fine and they work well with each other but at the same time I would like to see more of a structure with them rather than you rhyming in any place you can.

Freestyle can often get old over time and it's something that eventually becomes lacking. Play around with how you rhyme and how often you happen to rhyme. At points in here you rhyme multiple times in one line and in other lines you only rhyme at the end. I want to see something more consistent. Overall, I want to see something that has a stronger message and more meaning behind it rather than you throwing out diss lines that don't have much substance to them.

I hope I helped and have a great day.

User avatar
73 Reviews

Points: 4757
Reviews: 73

Sun Jan 29, 2017 3:50 am
NightKaizer wrote a review...

A poem to an ex maybe? Whoever it is, they sound pretty worked up. I like how your poem actually rhymes. I've read a lot of poems so far and only a few actually use rhyming- most are detached phrases. The rhyming puts a kind of rhythm to the poem. This poem in particular seems like a rap. Is it???
There are some strong words in here- lots of strong words. But still beautifully written in its own dark way. Seems like you seriously want payback- "poo on your favorite shoes".
Again, this poem would make a nice rap. Some of the content would be rated for older ages though.

Keep rapping,

Night Kaizer

User avatar
126 Reviews

Points: 344
Reviews: 126

Wed Jan 25, 2017 3:33 am
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Aleta says...

I like how utterly r******* it is. //And c***.

amelie says...


Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp