Published August 13, 2011
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139,556 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Beautiful =] This is fantastic. I love how simple it is, and the way you set it up is phenomenal. No criticism. Which doesn't help at all, haha. But its just.. I love it =] Great job =]
Nice, reminds me of some of my own writing. Granted, your spontaneity seems to be at a higher level than mine.
Anyway... I have nothing negative to say about this, but I do think you could extend it!
After your last stanza here, why not have the narrator muse about the hypothetical past of this man on the bench, extrapolating Sherlock Holmes-style from the various clues in the man's appearance? Would be a great way to extend this poem and have some clever fun (which writers like by default, I hope).
Regardless, great story poem, keep writing!
It reminds me a little of the short story I have in my portfolio minus the happy ending and the poetry format.
I like this, very evocative, the picture is a great touch to help those who have trouble visualising lol
Plus anyone who uses the word wizened will always have my vote.
I can't offer much in the way of criticism as there is nothing I think should be changed.
Well done!
Hiyaa, the names Wisp.
As Demoness had the gall to say this was a wonderful read and it did flow very nicely. I enjoyed reading it, the whole thing was well done and I enjoyed the fact that it was about an elderly man and his wife. To me this screams; love knows no bounds, it does not stop as you grow older; love remains young.
So, I have very little to comment on this - you didn't leave us much to work with considering. I do beleive your a very good poet and I hope to read more of your work soon, so congratulations.
Write on,
~Writteninstone [Wisp]
Hellåå!
This was really quite wonderful to read! It flowed so very well, it was short but powerful and yet it created vivid pictures! I liked it, and I liked it alot! No complaints at all, could fine no grammatic errors, I loved the structure, the rythm and flow was, as mentioned great!
SO... that leaves this: 4/5 icky, sticky spiders to you!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness