Note: I am just publishing this because I'm trying to figure out this website. This is old writing and I will be re-writing it, because I have gotten better at writing. (I hope). Rated with violence and language for later on.
Wolves
They walked through the woods, as their paw pads swelled with pain. Though it would be useless to complain. They had already been traveling for what seems like forever; there was no point in going back. The wolf in the lead stopped, looking back at all his pack-mates. He jerked his head towards the left, and all the other wolves looked to where he was pointing. Down the hill was a small lake, sunlight glittering off the water. Hope filled the wolves. Was this the place that Golden Berry had spoken of? The lake paradise, filled with prey and others like them. But their leader shook his head, starting to head down the hill. The wolves followed him, understanding that this was just to rest.
Coyotes
They stormed through the desert, panting and desperate for water. They had not had a drink nor food for days, and it was starting to take a toll on them. Their paw pads were blistered, and their mouths were dry as the sand they ran on. Though the desert was merciless. Stretching for miles and threatening to never end. But they would not turn back, for if they did. They would all perish.
Jackals
The sky was filled with dark grey clouds, threatening to spill rain and hail at any moment. They desperately ran, trying to escape. Knowing it would be disasters if they were caught in the storm. A brown pup stumbled over a rock and fell. A jackal nearby grabbed it by the scruff and continued running. As they would never abandon a member of their pack. Because they were all in this together, no matter what.
Foxes
They trotted along the riverbank, feeling well after a good night of rest. A pup yipped as another pup swatted at it, and then the pup turned and ran away. Being chased by the other pup. Another fox watched. Silver hairs covering his deep brown snout, and a smile spreading across his snout. A young female fox reared back on her two legs, trying to not accidentally step on the two pups as they darted under her. She barked angrily at them, and the two pups stopped. Their ears went down as they both chirped an apology and walked back to their mother's side.
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142,048 Literary Works • 676,461 Reviews
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the jinxed S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is about the packs of wolves, coyotes, jackals, and foxes and how they are all going as they go on their journeys.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I have no recommendations to make as of right now, but if you would like to edit this, you may.
Chocolate Bar - I like that the wolves see the lake and think that it’s the paradise they were promised, but as it turns out, it’s only temporary. Those poor wolves just wanted a place to rest. :< Also, the environments the animals are in are nicely described as well!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely little beginning to this story! I have enjoyed reading this and I’m excited to see how it progresses and why the foxes seem to have it the best out of all of them…hmm…anyway…
I wish you a dazzling day/night! ^v^
Thank you! : D
Yw!
I'm new to this site aswell so here's my first ever review!
This is a cool concept, I know you'll probably rewrite it soon but I like how you characterized each group of animals and I'm also interested in who Golden Berry is, is she a prophet? What about the lake?
Also in where you're writting about the foxes there's "Silver hairs covering his deep brown snout, and a smile spreading across his snout." And it's kinda repetitive, but other than that no grammar corrections really.
And also poor coyotes and jackals '•_•`
I hope you continue this story!
Ty! yeah my writing was not the best at explaining stuff or not repeating words when I was 10 to 11 lol