Wow, EagleFly! Your on a roll with this piece. I really enjoy your characters, specially there names! Keep up the good work!!!!!!!! Bye, bye!
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Eagle Times Book One Solders To a Lost Fight
Chapter 1
The Land
Trees swayed from side to side as the wind started to blow hard. Dust blew every were coating the ground and the sky. Old leaves lifted from a dust bed, soot hit them hard they then went splintering of into the sky. There was a village here and some way away was a Castle, but mostly none as a Fort that they get trained in for battle. The Fort was brown and so was the fight ring. The brown was painted in different shades, to blend in with all the surroundings. Inside the castle were lots of eagles, but these eagles were only the ones that went into battle.
An eagle with lovely golden feathers was then seen looking out of the castle widow at the dusty storm. This eagle was hoping to be a solder and a trainer. He was all most ready to become a solder. To training other eagles he had to get permission from the king. This eagles name was Talon Eye. His name meant that he had sharp Talons, and a very strong eye site. Most eagles had meanings to their names. Best of off there characteristics and personality.
Talon Eye had been here for a long time. Eagles that were going to go into battle were taken from their parents as soon as they could fly. After Talon Eye was taken away from his mother and father he never saw his mother again for she was not chosen for battle. Talon Eye did see his dad a lot he was a guard that was all that his father did.
A door suddenly opened and in came another eagle that was a lot older than him. This eagle was already a Solder and a trainer. The eagles that trained did take terns with all the ones that needed to be trained. So they never new hew they were going to get as there teacher. The eagle that had just walked into the room had started walking to word Talon Eye. The eagle looked at him.
“Good morning Talon Eye,” They Eagle said still looking at him with there dark yellow eyes.
“Good morning Eyedis, are you going to be training me to day?” Talon Eye asked hopping that he was going to be tort by Eyedis. He was the comest teacher and he was not as striked as all the others were. That’s why he tort the beginners and not the older ones.
“Well no I am not going to, I was told that you and your come rids should move up,” Eyedis answered.
“Okay then hew will be training us all?” Talon Eye asked really hopping that it was not Morbeck the general.
“Tarath will be training you all from now on,” Eyedis said as he turned to the door and opened it and walked out of the room. Talon Eye watched him go as a bit of relive rushed though him. That meant that Training was to start in an hour, and Talon Eye should go and get ready in halve an hour.
“Hm I wonder what we will be learning this time now that were going to be going to new training,” Talon Eye thought as he started to walk to the dark brown door. He walked out the room into a long passage he started walking right. The passage was a bit dark for there were only two windows. When Talon Eye was at the end, he could see a big room fool of food and a lot of other eagles. The food was on a big golden table ready for the hungry eagles to come and grab it if they got hungry. Talon Eye then sore another eagle coming up to him.
“Hay Talon Eye,” the eagle said walking over to him.
“Hello Takasol did you here that we are going to be training with Tarath today,” Talon Eye said with a bit of joy in his voice as he sore Eyedis walking to the table with food on it.
“Really I did not here that so were moving up?” Takasol said excited about this.
“well yes w…...,” Talon Eye started before Takasol in terupted him a bit rood ley.
“Wat we can talk about this at the dining room table with our food,” Takasol said as he walked to the table with Talon Eye. Takasol picked up a plate and started dishing up his food. While Talon Eye just followed him about.
“Ant you going to eat any thing you must be hungry you always eat at this time before we get trained,” Takasol said looking at his friend. Eyedis happened to over hear this and he looked up to listen to what Talon Eye was going to say.
“Well that’s the thing I am hungry but have you ever seen the teachers and Solders and guards eat a lot I mean the only Teacher that I can see right now is Eyedis,” Talon Eye stated as he looked around the room he was hopping that Takasol was not going to do anything that was unexpected.
“So what has that got to do with it my dad is here eating and his a grad,” Takasol said pointing to his dad hew was also listening with Eyedis. They both were not shore what to think of this. Talon Eye was just thinking about how stubborn Takasol was.
“Well I no that my dad never eats until it is supper time and same with all the other eagles excepted Eyedis and your dad and well us, maybe were not supposed to eat because it mite be in evolving one of the war roils,” Talon Eye said stating the obvers. Talon Eye then noticed that Tarath and all the other Teachers were in the room now even the general. They all started to talk about something. But Talon Eye and Takasol did not kair.
“And were about to miss training if we do not get our buts moving because we have spent all most have and hour doing this,” Talon Eye said as he looked at Takasol. Takasol suddenly lunge and started tackling Talon Eye that was what his name meant. Talon Eye then wiped out his wings and gave Takasol a big hit though the face. Takasol let out a yell and then got of off him. Talon Eye then got up and started walking to the training room not feeling sorry for Takasol at all. Other eagles followed as it was time to get ready even Takasol had to follow now. The Teachers all started walking to the training room as well.
Talon Eye got to the training room and then pushed a door open leading into it. He then walked into the brown Training sinter, the place was made out of mettle the mettle was rusty and a little worn out but it was still fuck shenl. There was a big cupboard, in it was all the weapons and amour. He then went to get the amour out the cupboard and all the weapons that he had been given. Talon Eye got it all out the weapons and amour was also brown. There was no rove and the sun light blazed in to the earner. Talon Eye started pouting all the amour on. The wing razes were sharp but it was easy to put them on. When Talon Eye had put that on he then started walking to were he new his teacher was and his companions flowing.
Wow, EagleFly! Your on a roll with this piece. I really enjoy your characters, specially there names! Keep up the good work!!!!!!!! Bye, bye!
Hello @EagleFly!
Anma here to review!
This is really good! The way you started it out was fantastic! I was really into this peace while reading. Before I get started talking about all how good this piece is I'm going to point out some minor problems. Also these are just some suggestions! You don't need to fix them if you don't want too.
1. Dust blew (everywhere) coating the ground and the sky.
2. Old leaves lifted from a dust bed, soot hit them hard (when) they went splintering (off.)
{Sense you already said sky you don't need to repeat it.}
3.There was a village here(.) Some (ways away) was a fighting and training ring.
{Having a short sentence before a long one creates a better flow of words.}
4.The Castle was brown(,) and so was the fight(ing) ring.
5.(Inside) the castle were lots of eagles, but these eagles were only the ones that went into battle.
6. An eagle with lovely golden feathers was then seen looking out of the castle (window) at the (dust) storm.
7.This eagle was (hoping) to be a solder(,) and a trainer.
8. He was (almost) ready to become a solder.
9. His name meant that he had sharp (talons) and (extreme) eye site.
{No need to capitalize talons, and extreme makes it sound better}
10. After Talon Eye was taken away from his mother and father(,) he never (saw) his mother again for she was not chosen for battle.
11. A door suddenly opened and in came another eagle that was a lot older (than) him.
12. This eagle was (already) a Solder and a trainer.
Also your spacing is a little cramped.. Try to space it out a little bit.
For example: Beast of off there characteristics and personality. {End paragraph here}
{New paragraph} Talon Eye had been here for a long time.
When ever there is some topic change you can put it into a new paragraph.
There is a few repeated words, and unclear attendance. Make sure when there is a character you are explaining make sure to still put there name. When you repeat words you can just look for synonyms of that word.
Either than that this is really good! Its really interesting and creative. The way you put in the detail was very good. You really have got my attention on this story! I hope that you can get the next chapter posted soon! Tag me!
Keep up the good work!
Have a nice day!
Love
Anma
Wow EagleFly!!!! This is a really well written chapter. I can't wait to read the next chapter. You have me hooked!!
Your description was amazing. And your characters were really cool.
Keep writing.
Hello, EagleFly! FlamingPhoenix here with a review for your chapter, which I have been waiting for for a wile now. I am also going to help get your work out the green room.
Let's get started with things I saw that can be fixed.
Let me just say before I start pointing things out that your writing has gotten so much better, but I'll get more in depth with that later. Let's start pointing things out.
Old leaves lifted from a dust bed, Soot hit them hard they then went splintering of into the sky.
The brown was painted in different shades, to blend in with all the soundings.
This eagle was hopping to be a solder and a trainer.
For training other eagles he had to get permission from the king.
To train other eagles he had to get permission from the king.
Beast of off there characteristics and personality .
After Talon Eye was taken away from his mother and father he never sore his mother again for she was not chosen for battle.
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Reviews: 1
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