Once, I Was Mother Nature

Love, love, love!
This is the sort of poetry I love reading, when the rythm and flow is impeccable, the structure of the stanza's keep its pattern and no rhymes are particulary forced! There were a few grammatic errors, but I didn't find any that hasn't already been pointed out so I just want to say I thought this was amazing! And I love the imagery and how you fully managed to grasp the meaning of being "Mother Nature"! Nice job!

Here's 5/5 icky spiders for you!

Good Luck & Keep Writing

// Demoness

Hello! I'm Jojo and I shall be your reviewer for today!
Grammar is in red.
Others are in blue.

VousEsEtonnant wrote:Once, I ruled the oceans,
And held the sky in my palm.
Once, I kept the earth for me,
and willed the fire calm.

The animals obayed obeyedme my
each and every command. ( makes more sense if you say it that way)
Flowers bloomed with vibrance
Everywhere I'd stand.

* That doesn't make sense- you mix up the tense when you write, here. You use past-tense, then switch over to present-tense just to make it rhyme.
TIP: Don't ever sacrifice finesse and substance just to make something rhyme.

Once, my wrath was fatal,
My gift? could be so sweet. The gift isn't exactly the opposite of a wrath. mercy, maybe?
I changed the hearts, the soul and minds
Of everyone I'd meet.

Beauty was my secret,
I made the world just so.
Untill Until the humans became blind,
And tried to take control.

They built the hunks of steel,<-- not a full sentence, so complete it by joining the two thoughts ( using a proper period, here).
They and ruined my leafy trees.
My water turned to muck and
The air was hard to breathe.

In rage,(comma) I huffed out storms
And tore *thier their world apart.
Volcanoes burned (killed?) thier theirpeople,
Earthquakes off the chart.

I taketook ( try to keep the tense consistent) away thier theirwater,
What they do not did not taint themselves.
I let them know they're they werekilling me,
By making thier theirlives hell.

* you misspell "their" about 4 times in just 2 stanzas, always try to double-check something before you submit it.

The battle surges still
Everything against man.
For I am Mother Nature,
And I still own am in command.

VousEsEtonnant wrote:Once, I ruled the oceans,
And held the sky in my palm.
Once, I kept the earth for me,
and willed the fire calm.

The animals obayed me,
Each and every command.
Flowers bloomed with vibrance
Everywhere I'd stand.

Once, my wrath was fatal,
My gift could be so sweet.
I changed the hearts, the soul and minds
Of everyone I'd meet.

Beauty was my secret,
I made the world just so.
Untill the humans became blind,
And tried to take control.

They built the hunks of steel,
They ruined my leafy trees.
My waters turned to muck and
The air was hard to breathe.

In rage I huffed out storms
And tore thier world apart.
Volcanoes burned thier people,
Earthquakes off the chart.

I take away thier water,
What they do not taint themselves.
I let them know they're killing me,
By making thier lives hell.

The battle surges still
Everything against man.
For I am Mother Nature,
And I still own command.

Interesting poem. I personally don't believe in the concept of 'Mother Nature', but this was still a good poem that I could enjoy.

VousEsEtonnant wrote:Once, I ruled the oceans, You do not need the comma after 'once'. It just gives it an awkward uncessary, unnatural break.
And held the sky in my palm.
Once, I kept the earth for me, Same thing here...nix the comma.
and willed the fire calm.

The animals obeyed me, 'Obeyed' is spelt with an e.
Each and every command.
Flowers bloomed with vibrance
Everywhere I'd stand.

Once, my wrath was fatal, These commas are infuriating! O.o
My gift could be so sweet.
I changed the hearts, the souls and minds It should be 'souls' since 'minds' is referring to more then one.
Of everyone I'd meet.

Beauty was my secret,
I made the world just so.
Until the humans became blind, 'Until' has one 'l'.
And tried to take control.

They built the hunks of steel,
They ruined my leafy trees.
My waters turned to muck and
The air was hard to breathe.

In rage I huffed out storms
And tore their world apart. You spelt 'their' wrong twice...
Volcanoes burned thier people, I think 'their' should be 'the' instead, since there are only people and animals; or you could try 'Volcanoes burned up people'.
Earthquakes off the chart. This is a bit confusing, and sounds like you're doing it just for the rhyme.

I take away thier water, 'Their' is spelt ER, not IE!!! *-*
What they do not taint themselves.
I let them know they're killing me,
By making thier lives hell.

The battle surges still
Everything against man.
For I am Mother Nature,
And I still own command.

Hmmm...this is very good and made me think. We humans are so....cocky. we think that we're have such control over everything like its our decision that matter. Yeah, right. One big earthquake and we're on our knees or in our graves. Mother nature or God or whatever you wanna say has a way of showing us that no matter what we do, what we build, how intelligent we become, we just can't complete. We do not own command.

Great job!

Veritas

Hey,
So, I just wanted to say that I really, really enjoyed this poem.
I could tell by the title it was going to be interesting, and it was! The fact that you personified mother nature was something I haven't seen before and I liked how mother nature appeared to have somewhat of an attitude
I noticed at the beginning you outlined fire, earth, wind, water, and I thought that was pretty cool.
I think the whole poem just flowed so nicely- there was no part of it that felt awkward to me as I read it.
The only nitpick I can think of is the the second last paragraph: I assume you meant to write 'their' but it appears that you wrote 'thier' twice. However, that was the only error I noticed.
Overall, the imagery was absolutely excellent, and it was thought provoking too; you know, a poem that actually has meaning to it.
Keep writing!
-Briggsy