You and I

You hit dead on the nail with romance and made it even more so by calling the girl (or guy) and angel. It's a nice refreshing poem that makes you think of love in the limelight. The wording of the poem though correct makes it seem like the poem's name should be "You and me" though. I'd like to hear your response to this bye. :]

Helllooo...

Welcome to the site and I'm sure you'll enjoy it and benefit from it immensely. This was a sweet poem, very honest, although it could do with more stylistic expression.

Firstly, I think you should have three stanzas - not even according to idea but just according to the format of your lines. The first for (X and I'll Y) should form one stanza. The second stanza is the clump of lines beginning with 'You' and then the final stanza.

However before I would suggest that, allow me to suggest to you the idea that repetition is a skill and at that a tool to be used very carefully and wisely: avoid it unless you're sure it's what you want. Otherwise it tends to read monotonously as if you are just listing the thoughts that come into your mind.

I must say I concur with Blackwater's Nit-Picking, and the first two lines in the 4th stanza, where you break tense were really distracting. I disagree with JC about the punctuation, although this seems to be a point of contention amongst poets, I think that your poem in particular would benefit. Most people process punctuation subconsciously, so you could really use it to imply and direct the reader (subtler facts could be in brackets, as if they were side mentions whilst breaking a phrase up with dashes could place emphasis). Commas, of course, are kind of like the bars on a sheet of music... they can help you to keep time, but I'd agree with JC that you shouldn't just plop them in because that's what poets do...

A lot of this comes with practise and is a matter of style, so keep it up.

Hey whats up I am also new here buddy.

I'm gonna start off by saying I applaud the lack of punctuation. It's the words that matter I hardly use commas in the right places or even bother to use at all. I like to just write without interruption or thinking about my punctuation I focus on the words. I do enjoy it when she sings it's always so pleasant. I enjoy how you will make all her dreams come true and how she was there for you when you were all alone. Angels fall from heaven everyday I guess we all must wait our turn.

Keep it up buddy

Hey voidbrain! I like your username this is blackwater here for a review!

First off, welcome to YWS! Hope you write many more pieces.
I'd like to say that the initial part of the poem is quite catchy. It kept me curious throughout. But the build up you gave in the beginning did not lead to a equally enchanting periphery.

Second, I'd like to point out how you haven't used any commas anywhere. Therefore, the essential punctuation is missing. With the right punctuation, it would sound and look better.

Thirdly, this line-
"Wish and I'll grant it with my heart"
-could've used more emphasis. You could say how eager you were to grant that wish.
You could've said:
"Wish and I'll grant it with all my heart"

Next,
"You were there to grab my hand when I'm alone"
Here if you had used hold instead of grab, it would have made it sound a little more subtle. As it is a romantic poem, being subtle is an essential characteristic.

"Love was just all around"
I think the usage of past tense here is negative. Present tense would make it more positive. And since the nest few lines are I present continuous, it would make sense to use present tense here.
You could say:
"Love is just all around"

"And some may be just in front of you"
Here, instead of just, you could use 'right'.

Overall, the poem has a very positive effect on readers and it resurrects hope. Hope you find my review useful and enjoy it here in YWS.

Cheers,
Anagha