Soon I'll Be A Star
BY:Paradox(Vivian)
I'll become a star when I die
A spark of light to a flame
Up there in the night sky
That's what Mother said
That we become stars
I was in wonder at this prospect
It gave me hope that even if I didn't lead a beautiful life
Or didn't have an honorable death
My afterlife would still be something recgonizable
I don't believe in Heaven
But to the heavens I will go
When this flame of life is doused
I'll be brought back in the sky
A spark
A flame to be kindled
And when that light burns out
A Supernova I will be
If not
I will descend upon Earth
A spark once again
To land in some happy woman's womb
A child born again
And maybe this time
If not at all
I will lead a beautiful life
If not
One that leaves an impression
Like the burned out stars in space
Whose lights we still see today
Millions of years later
So now I take my final breath
Saying goodnight to all
Or should I say goodmorning
Since dawn is about to rise
Either way
My Mother will find me
She'll look up and she'll see
My dream come true
I'll be where I always wanted to be
So soon
Very soon
I'll be a star
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
I am so in love with this!!! I've always loved the thought of becoming a star, going up and being one with the galaxy, being recycled back into the universe... you did this so well,. I liked how you rhymed some parts accidentally, and then some parts were just long and sad, but seemed like they were typed with hope. Sad hope is beautiful. Good job; I think you have a lot of talent! Corrections I would have include:
-more punctuation
-better forming of stanzas (group some of your lines together!)
-more concrete thoughts
-a tiny bit more explanation(?)
I understand the narrator was about to die, but were they young? Old? Sick or dying from cancer? Maybe they were dying in the hospital from a fatal car crash. Of course, I wouldn't want the entire backstory, but maybe just a tad bit more explanation.
Thank you!!! Have a good day, friend.
Thanks, this is a great review. I'll work on what you said and since I believe I wrote this a little after reading the Fault in Our Stars, maybe. I was also really thinking of one part that stuck with me in A Wrinkle In Time. I can't remember now whether this girl was dying or not but if she was then it was probably cancer because i.e, I read The Fault In Our Stars.
The first thing that popped into my mind when I saw the title was a shooting star.
Cool. I had originally planned to put something about a shooting star in there.
Hey! IamTraunt here to review this piece for you! (Hey, that rhymed.)
So, I just want to say before I start this review that I loved your concept straight away.
Spoiler
You missed out an 'o' in to
Themes!
So, as I have said previous, your view of life after death is the most beautiful-est thing I have ever come across. It gives others as readers hope and gives them a sense of joy and well, it gives them a new opportunity or something to look forward to. Many people today think we will go to heaven when we die, which is both unproven and their own choice to believe in, but call me old fashioned - I think everyone should be unique and have their own view for the future instead of presuming we will stay in the clouds above. Imagining being a star gives me this warm, tingly feeling inside, it makes me feel as if I will be watching over the world after I die. I also like the idea of 'coming back as someone else' or 're-living another life', this also gives the reader a hope for later life. It makes me think that we have a second chance so-to-speak.
Devices used!
So, I have quite a few interpretations up my sleeve.
1) When using enjambment, many people tend to say 'time'. And we could spin off a few ideas from that one word. For example, time could refer to the time we have on earth, which will determine whether we will come back as something else, or nothing at all. Also, we could say that the use of enjambment is used to show how our time to die is not really death at all, which is why the lines run on into each other to show the on going of life. Another use for enjambment could be hope, and how your confidence in returning as a star or as a newborn baby keep going on until it actually happens (at the end).
2) The lack of a full stop at the end. I actually found this the most powerful part in your poem. I am presuming you did this to tell the reader: 'this isn't the end for me. I will carry on to be something else. I could be a star or a newborn baby'. I love how you promote that by not putting a full stop on the end.
This was wonderful! I loved it.
Thanks. I'll fix that mistake.
Hello there! Sophomoric here for a review. I've actually also toyed with this thought of what we become of after we die and if stars had minds like us. Your poem intrigues me very much (I also really love looking at the night sky).
I don't think there's much for me to say, honestly except for one thing I noticed. You know, supernova is only one word and not two.
That's it, really.
Continue writing up great things!
Thanks. I didn't know it was one word.