Young Writers Society

Hey VioletSkies,

Shady here with a review for you this fine Review Day, and wishing much Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnügen to you as I read through your chapter.

I wake in a vast void made of nothing but stars and nebulae, floating with the emptiness that fills my chest, the only purpose that I’ve ever had is gone, with my body.

This is a compelling opening line and really beautiful imagery to start us off strong!

I will admit, however, that after this I started getting confused. I'm not sure why "HER" and "SHE" are both all-caps and bolded throughout this story. I suspect it's meant to refer to a specific entity, perhaps a goddess or the creator spirit in this story, but also I could see HER being like an empress or ruler or something. I was having a bit of trouble teasing out what role SHE plays in the story and HER relation to the MC here.

But, of course, some of that may be the simple fact that this is so incredibly short. I think you have great content, but when you only have a single paragraph it can be a bit tricky to give a substantive review as there's only so much content provided to us. I think my main recommendation if you decide to edit this would be to make it longer and include more context regarding your world and MC.

Not info dumping, mind you. I suspect you've heard the "show don't tell" advice, which has been the gold standard of writing advice for so long for good reason. You have to find a balance in weaving in information without just outright stating it. But I think it currently feels lacking in that sense? Because I'm not super sure who SHE/HER is or why she's important or even really who the POV character is and what role they're going to play in this story.

Slow things down and add in some more details and you'll be golden, I think. Your prose is beautiful and it seems like you have an interesting premise, so the potential here is very obvious! You did a really great job! I would just recommend adding some length to this so that we can feel like we get to know your POV character and get more invested in the story overall.

Hope this helped!

~Shady

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm Kate and I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to: Kate's Line by Line Reactions;

I wake in a vast void made of nothing but stars and nebulae, floating with the emptiness that fills my chest, the only purpose that I’ve ever had is gone, with my body. My purpose… Our purpose is to take humans from plane 1, Sollus, and move them to plane 0.5 to possess or offer them powers so they can become Inhabitants under HER jurisdiction so that we can protect Sollus from itself as it’s withering away, however, SHE didn’t understand why some were turning into vile things so bad that some of her children had to go back to plane 0.5 which made the withering even worse, not to mention that group of Inhabitants, changing themselves and others into something different, the Altered. They were the ones who caused the humans to turn their back on us, making HER have no choice but to dwindle making HER beautiful creations, but it backfired making The Altered only pick up on their horrible experiments and wrongdoings. That’s why SHE sent me, to fix all of this, but I failed I am lost in the vast void in between the Tiered planes failing my only mission, the one she entrusted to me. No, I can’t fail her I have to get to Sollus, I have to find a way to get down, if the Tiered planes have a connection to Sollus maybe, just maybe, I can get inside and work my way down and into Sollus, I have to, no matter the cost.

Well this is quite the intriguing little interlude to work with their. I think you've gone ahead and painted quite the picture there of what's been going on in this world and what all the main forces happen to be in what's going on. I think it lays a nice little groundwork there for us to start off of.

The way we're introduced to our main character is also quite neatly done I think. Showcasing what the purpose they had was and of course the horror of being stuck in the position that they happen to be, which puts them in a position of not being able to complete that mission. It really comes together well there and showcases how badly this is bothering this person and just how much the need is to accomplish. Really sets up a powerful motive write there from the start and it combines well with the opening so we can also understand why its so important.

Overall I think a solid piece. Very intriguing. It tells us quite a bit, and at the same time we don't fully understand the stakes yet. It is a little mystery with so many of the words being new but I think it does enough to paint a picture of what's going on here and have us hooked in this story.

Aaand that's it for this oneee!!!

As always remember to: Take what you think was helpful and forget the rest!

Stay Safe and Have a Nice Day!
Kate